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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (平装)
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mezlish
| Category:
Parenting |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
This well-received book is an excellent resource within in-depth descriptions of what parents can do to help sibling relationships be strong and peaceful. |
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AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 10 items |
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Dr. Benjamin M. Spock (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
A very human book about one of the toughest problems parents have to handle. |
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Ann Landers (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
Have I got a book for you! Run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore. |
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R. Seedall (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
In a nutshell, this book is outstanding because it adds to the general field of knowledge about parenting. As a therapist, I have received parenting skills training from a number of books and programs.
However, I realized from reading this book that most of parenting skills are taught from a standpoint of "one child at a time." This is great, but it is often impractical in real life, as many families have more than one child.
There are a couple of reasons I would recommend this book. The first is that it is probably the easiest to read book I have read regarding a complicated topic in a LONG time. It is told almost in story format, as the author is teaching a group on sibling rivalry. The "class members" (a conglomerate of the author's workshop experiences) provide stories and bring up concerns that any parent might have. There are also valuable summary sheets and comic strips that illustrate the principles being discussed.
The other reason why I would recommend this book is that it will add to your general body of knowledge about sibling relationships and will help you to see them in a new way. It talks about the myth of equality, and the dangers of comparison and roles. You won't regret the information that this book provides. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
This book is extraordinary. The writing pulls you in because of the humble nature of the author. After reading it, there is no doubt they know what they are talking about and it's not because of their credentials per say. It's spells out everything so clearly that there is no denying the issues. The big thing to know about this book is there are REAL specific tips and rules for communicating and dealing with situations. It is very well organized. And, there is more information than "How to talk to your kids..." I wondered if I should read both - sure enough, you do need both. I'm grateful for this book.
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Addison Phillips (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
I bought this book a couple of months after we brought home our newly adopted son from Russia and the rivalry and fighting looked to become a huge problem... a never-ending battle between our only-slightly-older son and his new brother.
Over time both adjusted and now we have just run-of-the-mill rivalry and occasional jealousy, something that is manageable. But those first weeks and months were awful.
This book is nicely written and reasonably well organized. It's a quick read and provides a lot of useful ideas for how to defuse and ultimately avoid situations. Much of it is common sense or "frame shifting" (putting you into the child's situation through their eyes). I found some of the strategies useful and others not applicable, which is what you'd expect.
The downside of this book is that it is a bit on the frothy side, a bit simplistic and stagey. Some of the examples and true-life type stories go from one extreme to a too-good-to-be-true resolution "a week later". Some of the divisions in the book struck me as artificial.
Nonetheless this book is the standard for many parent dealing with this kind of problem for good reason. It is a useful reference, gets you to think about managing the situations better and gives you some tools to work with. Well recommended. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
This book was EXACTLY what I was looking for. In dealing with my two stepsons as well as my own two daughters, ranging in age from one to seven, I felt there HAD to be a way to prevent some of this fierce competitive and unkind nature between kids. I refused to believe there was nothing much we parents could do about it. The perspective it gave in how to treat the children each as individuals, without reference or comparison to their siblings in any way seemed obvious, yet for most of us parents, we do these things unconsciously in various daily situations. I began realizing how even the smallest comments, however well-intended, could induce rivalry between the kids and have found the ideas and suggestions in this book to be of immeasurable value to my family. In some areas, I do feel that it gets a little too extreme to be realistic, however, the main concept behind the advice and suggestions is very helpful. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "donts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.
One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids - and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (... in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it... I PAUSED... And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (... maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian... Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" Great Advice... and it worked!! Bad news... It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.
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I. Patel (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
Authors Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish has published books like Siblings Without Rivalry & How to Talk so kids will Listen & Listen so kids will Talk. However, my in-depth study on the psychology of childrens' minds reveal the facts that their attitudes are solely dependent on their circumstances and their upbringing levels at home & school. It's one thing sure any kid require is Love, patience & Self Esteem.
Psychologists caution against casting children in specific roles: the quiet one, athletic one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. Sibling rivalry is a competition for the affection and attention of their parents. Two best known Bible stories deal with bitter feuds between brothers-The Cain and Abel and the rivalry of Joseph and hisbrothers.Even in fairy tales - in 112 of the Grimm's' fairy tales, it is found that the youngest child came out a winner in battles with everything from evil gnomes to jealous siblings 92 percent of the times.
Psychologists authors of Siblings without Rivalry suggest that instead of thinking of equality in everything from parental attention to music lessons, parents should be sensitive to each child's individual needs.Self esteem of a child plays a major role. Comparisons should be avoided as each child is born with a difference. The authors have very valuable tips telling parents to adopt various methods and outcome with cartoons illustrating key points. The book reflects on the inner instincts of kids like jealousy and selfishness. Parents need to be aware of their attitude which become homegrown sibling rivalry. Communication is also important part that a parent miss out and impatiently tackles the sibling rivalry which only worsens things. Demonstrating love is very important and telling the child that he is so special. "I enjoy your friendship' or "I can always count on your support" or "You make me feents with + 2 & above kids."
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Jocelyn Smith (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
As the oldest of four siblings, I can say quite honestly that now that I am an adult I am good friends with my brothers and sister. Even so, I truly wish that my parents had found this book when I was a kid. So much damage and hurt feelings could have been prevented! The techniques are presented in an easy-to-understand fashion and the cartoons illustrate examples that parents will recognize from real life. The chapter on dealing with your own wounds from the past was incredible. Perhaps the highest praise I can give this book is to say that before I read it, I was extremely scared to have a second child, but now I can approach that eventuality without fear. |
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Heather (MSL quote), Canada
<2007-01-10 00:00>
I find that most parenting books just end up making a person feel guilty or like there is no way they can possibly do all the things the book suggests. In this book (although it certainly helps you to see how far you have to go!) I have found that putting the suggestions into practice is made so much easier. I still sometimes find myself saying something unrecommended, but I catch myself and step back. And then I start over again. Other people have even commented on things that I say to the children (that i got directly from this book!) and it makes me so proud! We are all trying to do the best we can with our children, and having two or more children can be so hard at times. How do you keep both children happy? When you have only one it seems a bit easier, and having two seems like such a good idea! Then when the second child comes along things are so different! I think large families are wonderful, but I also think this is the ideal manual. Every parent (and/or sibling) should read it! |
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1 Total 1 pages 10 items |
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