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Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic (平装)
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
| Category:
Disciplinary approach, Parenting |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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| Stock:
In Stock |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
Life-saving strategies to deal with intense kids. A must read for all parents, even if your kid isn't spirited. |
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AllReviews |
1 2   | Total 2 pages 13 items |
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Evonne Weinhaus and Karen Friedman (Authors) (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
A well-written, comprehensive, and above all loving and positive approach to understanding that oh-so challenging child. |
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Nancy Melvin (Associate dean for graduate programs and research, Arizona State University), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book is a major work on temperament and parenting that should be in every family library. |
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Louise Bates Ames (Author and association director, Gessell Institute of Human), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
The book will prove to be a real lifesaver. |
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Nancy (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
As a family physician and mother of four back in the early 90's, I was overwhelmed with my third child. He was exceedingly bright, but his behavior made me feel I knew nothing about raising children. I didn't understand why he had to wear a particular type of sock with the seam on top of the toes and refused to wear the others. Why did he take everything apart? Disciplining was a nightmare as he could wail through a time-out longer than we could stand it! Later, when my fourth child began to speak, her first sentence was "Daniel did it!" and that was the absolute truth.
It took a recommendation from my wise mother to get this book and realize I had a "spirited" child. She had heard an interview with the author on the radio and knew immediately that the descriptions of "spirited" characteristics fit Daniel to a T. (I was informed that I had been one, too.) As I read the book I was amazed how much sense it made. The positive attitudes and techniques suggested helped us as parents assist my son become the wonderful young adult he is now.
Through the years I have recommended the original book and its revised edition hundreds of times to my patients who have "spirited" children. They are always suprised and grateful to find out they are not alone and that this book can offer concrete ways to make life better for their children and their families as a unit.
If you have a child who is "more" you need this book! |
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Canfield Studios (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
I have my master's degree in education and I thought I knew it all when it came to children and how to handle their behaviors. I even worked in a residential treatment center for 8 years, specifically dealing with emotionally disturbed and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) children. I was the perfect parent- until I had a spirited child of my own. He is now three and I use to shake my head and read my old grad. texts to discover where I was going wrong. I questioned therapist at the hospital I worked at and early childhood educators that also worked with challenging behaviors. I read How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen and how to Listen so your Children will Talk, Positive Parenting, 8 Weeks to Well Behaved Child and many more. They simply did not cover how to deal with a really bright, stubborn, perfectionist preschooler. This is a kid who watched "Chicken Little" once and promptly showed me how to burp from a-h (they do that particular bit of humor in the movie). He had just turned three a couple of weeks before and we had not even introduced him to the ABC's. He is a whirling dervish of energy with a continual need to find out and try on his own. Think ferret meets Dexter (really smart cartoon kid) from Dexter's Laboratory. The other books applied to regular kids, like my daughter.
I previously use to think, "Hey, what's your problem, can't you control your own kid?" Now I know the answer can sometimes be "No, not with the tools I was given for the standard kid package most people bring home from the hospital. Heck, I'm just trying to stay on step ahead of him."
This book helps to make me see my child in a new light and change how I deal with his behaviors. Once we understood each other, things began to fall in line. Knowing how he thinks helps me to apply the correct methods to see results. We are no longer fighting each other for control. I also do not feel the need to glare at my mother when she mentions that I need to spank him more. That does not work for him. I would have to literally abuse him in order for physical intimidation to become effective. I don't believe in beating my children, I'm just funny that way (read- sarcasm).
Leave the other books for the parents of the regular "out of control" child. This is for the "exceptional out of control" child. If you have one you know it. If this review makes no sense to you, try 1-2-3 Magic.
P.S. Another post simply blasted the book by asking the question, "Is it that your child is spirited or just a pain in the rear?" After reading her review I questioned if she even read the book or had children. After checking her other reviews it seemed a good many of them were on expecting a child and breastfeeding. Ha! Is she in for a surprise when she finds out children do not always act like they are described in a book. Real life and books are two total different things. After all, I was the perfect parent until I had kids to prove me wrong! |
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L. Haase (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book saved my self-esteem as a parent. I had read so many books and articles on discipline that did not apply or did not work on my daughter. I was constantly getting disapproving looks and comments from people who felt she was poorly-behaved and, obviously, poorly-parented. I was miserable and so was she. Finally, I got my hands on this book, and it was like turning on a light. The author explains why traditional discipline does not work with spirited children.
The book does not provide a magic formula to solve all the challenges associated with raising a spirited child but it gives a context within which a parent can nuture and discipline successfully. Most importantly, the author provides such support for parents of spirited children (which we so dearly need). The author always focuses on the positive aspects of spirited children. This is critical since most people will negatively label your child. If I could recommend any book to a struggling parent, it would be this one! |
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T. Miller (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
I read this book a year and a half ago when I had sought professional counseling in dealing with me very strong-willed two-year-old. This book was recommended as well as 1-2-3 Magic. This book did WONDERS for me as a mother and my mother-child relationship. Why? It helped me understand my own and my daughter's temperament. It gave me straightforward, practical advice in working WITH and not AGAINST her temperament. In No Way did it advocate allowing my child to misbehave or or let her think she was the center of the universe. She is now 4 and in her first year of preschool. She's doing beautifully interacting with others, knows and usually follows house rules, and understands her parents are the authority. She is blossoming into the wonderful person I knew she could be and I feel more calm and confident being her parent. I wanted to write this review because of the others here that say this book is about letting the child rule the roost. This book is about understanding who your child is as a person so you can help them meet their needs and gain cooperation in the process... all the while respecting your own needs and the needs of other family members. I think the bad reviews are a matter of misinterpretation on the part of those readers. I would have for others to be discouraged from reading this book when it is such a worthwhile resource for anyone dealing with a determined, persistent, and intense child. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Certainly this shouldn't be the first or only parenting book you read and you will have to pick and choose those suggestions that seem suited to the challenges your child's temperament poses. But if many of the approaches suggested in conventional parenting books seem ineffective because they don't account for the temperament of your spirited child, you should definitely read this book, as well as The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki.
After I'd read about a dozen parenting books, I was still tearing out my hair with my first. I knew from when he was in utero, as he tried to kick his way out forcefully, that my first child was a force to be reckoned with. He was the loudest baby in the hospital and continued in this vein - emotionally intense, loud, physically active. He was always in motion, in a hurry to get to the "next" thing rather than being a happy, content baby and toddler, a perfectionist, mad as hell if anything or anyone got in his way or if he didn't perform some skill perfectly the first time. He walked at nine months and immediately became an indefatigable explorer: he figured how out to undo the first type of locks we installed on the toilets and systematically identified any drawer or cabinet that was not equipped with the most stringent child safety protection. At 18 months, he scrambled up our 8 foot stone retaining wall, clinging to the top and proudly proclaiming "mommy, I climb" before I could snatch him. At about age two he tried to climb over the second floor balcony railing, so we extended all of the railings vertically with 3 feet of lucite. We had people come over and laugh at the extent to which we'd been forced to 'babyproof' our house and he still ended up at the ER 3 times before his third birthday. I only half-jokingly referred to him as Evil Kneivel. And, when his blood sugar was low, he hadn't slept well, it was 4-6PM (the "witching hour" of the day), or given any other small trigger, his meltdowns could astonish other parents, who'd never seen anything like it from their own children. They were louder, longer, more intense, often impossible to predict or to manage once they'd started. Learning to manage a kid with this temperament (even to keep him safe) and, more importantly, teaching him to eventually manage his own spirited temperament has been keenly frustrating at times. One has to always see ahead to what is going to trigger the next meltdown and help an often defiant kid to recognize that they are tired, hungry, should go on to a new activity instead of blowing up over not being able to immediately do something perfectly, etc.
However, two years after having begun to use (in an integrated way) the information in this book, the other book mentioned above and conventional parenting books, I have a wonderful, interesting, basically socially well-adjusted kid. He's gone from where I worried that he'd be labeled the problem child in any classroom to where he's learned enough self-management that his intensity can finally shine through as determination, curiosity, energy - his friends and teachers can finally see the wonderful, spirited kid that was buried all along under all of that oppositional behavior. He will never have a laid-back, easy going personality, but I now can actively hope to see his intensity take him as far as he wants to go.
This book truly helped me to get beyond the non-productive feelings of "why is my kid so much tougher than other people's, how on earth do I handle this, why do many problem-solving approaches in typical parenting books seem inadequate or just plain wrong for dealing with my child. There are lots of suggestions for how to productively handle particular aspects of your "spirited" child's personality that makes him or her tough to manage. And perhaps more importantly, this book helps one to remain positive through the challenges that such kids pose, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although it took a lot more consistency and patience to curb my son's impulsive behavior, to teach him to treat his friends and parents with respect, and to teach him how to manage his own spirit, it is a lifetime investment. |
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Joan Francis (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Having a very spirited 3-1/2 year-old I was often finding myself drained by noontime. I purchased this book with a lot of skepicism, and very little hope, but now I am so happy that I did. Honestly, there is very little "new" information in this book... but there is an entirely new way of looking at things.
The more I read, the more I was amazed by the descriptions of my son... and myself. I had more flashbacks to my own childhood (and, frankly, much of my adult life, too) than I could possibly enumerate here. So much of the information has helped me realize that I have all of the skills I need to help him (and me) function in a world that does not have a lot of understanding when it comes to highly exuberant, exacting, and easily excitable people. I totally disagree with the reviewer who said that the author expects the world to change for your child. On the contrary, I would say that the author expects the parent to understand the basic nature of their child and then work with the child to help him understand himself. Understanding his basic underlying personality and accepting that it will not change, but can be controlled (channeled) when necessary, is the first step to maintaining a positive self-image while trying to learn socially appropriate behavior.
I am especially happy about the concrete ways the author advises to redirect a spirited child's energy. They work. Again, much of this is common sense and old information... but in the middle of a meltdown it can be so hard to remember little things that can diffuse the situation. It never hurts to be reminded. I told my husband that he could gain a lot of insight into my personality by reading this book... and now I catch him using some of the techniques when he sees me getting ready to lose it. It really is a book for dealing with "people" not just "children".
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Kristi Sakai (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
When my son was about 18 months old on two separate occasions I was asked, "Have you read, Raising Your Spirited Child?" By the second query I was ready with my reply, "No, do you have it and can you loan it to me?" She did and am I ever thankful. These ladies were able to see past my son zooming around the room and his easy agitation about seemingly normal things that didn't bug other kids and realize it was not just "bad" behaviour, or his entering the "terrible twos" early. They could see the signs of my son's distress. Later they, were able to also help me see the positive aspects of my son's "difficult" personality. We had no way of knowing back then that my son would later be diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I am so grateful that this book started me on the right track as viewing my son as a special boy who was just a little more sensitive and persisitent than the other kids. This book gives us pause because it questions the idea that these kids are naughty or that they are trying to misbehave. It gives clear information about what you can do to help your spirited kids. It also gives you the words to teach your kids self awareness. Knowledge is power!
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