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Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most (平装)
by Douglas Stone
| Category:
Negotiation, Communication skills, Persuasion |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
Based on fifteen years of work at Harvard Negotiation, this book teaches you how to handle even the toughest conversations more effectively and shows you a way out of the dilemma. |
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AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 10 items |
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The New York Times (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does. |
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Booklist (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice. |
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Daniel Goleman (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments. |
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Publishers Weekly (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
Bringing together the insights of such diverse disciplines as law, organizational behavior, cognitive, family and social psychology and "dialogue" studies, Stone, Patton and Heen, who teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project, illustrate how to handle the challenges involved in effectively resolving "difficult conversations," whether in an interpersonal, business or political context. While many of their points are simplisticAdon't ignore your feelings, consider the other person's intentions, take a break from the situationAthey're often overlooked in stressful moments. Most useful are the strategies for disarming the impulse to lay blame and for exploring one's own contribution to a tense situation. Also of value are specific recommendations for bringing emotions directly into a difficult discussion by talking about them and paying attention to the way they can subtly inform judgments and accusations. If these recommendations aren't followed, the authors contend, emotions will seep into the discussion in other, usually damaging, ways. Stone, Patton and Heen illustrate their points with anecdotes, scripted conversations and familiar examples in a clear, easy-to-browse format. While "difficult conversations" may not have the intrinsic appeal of the Harvard Negotiation Project's previous bestseller, Getting to Yes, this book is a cogent resource for those who see the sense in preparing for tough talks in advance. |
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T. Sparfeld (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
The book teaches us to get away from a "What Happened?" type of conversation. Nothing is more tempting than to start off with "Let's look at all the things YOU did wrong." Instead, you must stop arguing about who's right (which is hard because, well, I AM right), not assume they meant it, and initially abandon blame.
Another aspect involves the concept of knowing your identity - sometimes you are going to have to deliver bad news, and they're not going to take it well. Don't try to soften the blow because that only makes it worse.
The next step is to discuss everyone's feelings - not those "let's hold hands around the campfire feelings," but the feelings which matter. It doesn't matter that she corrects your grammar, for instance - it matters how it makes you feel when she corrects you in front of everybody else. It's much more important to discuss that feeling than the principles of English grammar and pronunciation. Make sure you let them tell you how they feel, and vice versa.
Once you've both expressed how your feelings contributed to the situation, you can talk about how both of you can solve the problem in the future. Even if you think it's 100% their fault, you can certainly find some smidgen where you can improve to help the situation in the future.
One aspect I like about the book is that although you do initially move past the blame and talk about your feelings, you are not a doormat. The book makes it clear that it is vital that you express why you felt upset, and this book is not about letting people off the hook because of their actions.
I think the book is extremely helpful in any business setting, and may also be helpful in personal relationships. You will find this book helps you manage difficult conversations and make them seem less daunting than before.
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Sarah (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
There's a lot to digest in this book, but if you want to learn about communication skills, how to speak to others in various situations, this book is most useful. I was personally interested in it regarding more personal reelationships, rather than business, however, all communication skils are important, in any setting. I feel that this book does provide a good platform for learning communication skills. I recommend this book along with another that has helped me tremendously called Stop Being the String Along. I feel that if you really want to learn about communication, especially concerning romantic relationships, both books are really a must read.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
You can't beat the enemy, unless you don't understand him. A difficult conversation is a hard enemy for everyone. This book helps everyone to understand what is the composition of a difficult conversation, what it that makes matters difficult to solve. Certainly in every arguments there are some facts. But even if both parties agree on these facts, there other aspects that have to be counted in order to have a creative conversation. And these other aspects make the conversation difficult. A glass is broken and that is a fact for both. But what are my feelings about that incident and what are yours? And even more, does something interfere with my or your ego?
With this book you will learn how to analyze in detail every situation that implies a difficult conversation. You will understand that it isn't just a matter to convience the other guy to accept your ideas, but to understand deeply the situation to solve the problem.
This is book is very well written and structured, with great everyday examples that help the reader to understand the situations. In most of these examples the reader will recognize familiar situations, as I did. And by reading, you will see a step by step approach to change the way you see your difficult conversations.
This book isn't for fast readers. Unfortunatelly I couldn't find a way to get a usefull result from it, before reading it 3 times. The first time you see the parts of the conversation. The second time you understand the use of the whole process. The third time you can focus on the details, because every difficult conversation is unique and you need a special approach. Everything are in the book, but you have to know what to use in every situation.
Really an excellent book, very well written, very informative and extremelly useful. Highly recommended to all! |
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Tawny Lees (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
Being a new corporate coach, I am always looking for resources to use and share with clients. This book has proven to be a very valuable reference personally and professionally. In fact it is becoming somewhat dog-eared from use. The insights and models have been useful for my (sometimes difficult) conversations with clients. Additionally, I share the techniques with clients and ask questions based on the book to help guide the client's development with having better conversations. Conversations are at the heart of all relationships, and are often overlooked in leadership development. For those who are ready to make some significant shifts in their leadership and relationship skills, or help others do so, this book is a great tool.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
Having researched numerous books on this subject, I found this to be one of the best. The book is structured well: the introduction gives an apt overview, the writing is simple and to the point, with excellent examples and an outline provided to assist with a final review.
One of the book's strongest points is its focus on the underlying problems that create situations where conversation becomes difficult. The temptation to digress and meander into a quagmire of various psychological/environmental/ biological explainations can be great, but the writers stays the course, using only pertinent examples and explainations, keeping the book fairly short and to the point.
Many works of this genre focus on superficial fixes. Some of those do work, particularly for short term situations. However, the topics covered in this book go a little below that superficial surface, often seriously questioning common behaviors that often contribute and prolong difficult conversations/situations.
The book seems to be a well researched collaborative effort, balancing the findings from social, Rogerian, cognitive, psychology to findings from the business world, as well as strategic lessons found from Sun Tzu.
A caveat: the recommended techniques hold great promise, but using them requires quite a bit of work. Unlike the many fixes from other sources, there are no promises of immediate success. Instead, there may be many obstacles both from the self and from others that will come up.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-19 00:00>
After a painful and difficult series of conversations with my mom and brother over Christmas (read: angry, frustrating), before he left, my brother asked me to find a simple set of rules for conversation, because he knows I like to do little research projects.
Several months earlier at work (a very hierarchical organization), I had a disagreement with a client and there was much internal company disagreement over how to handle it. I later realized that however justified I felt (or was), I made some mistakes and could have handled it better - just wasn't sure how. This may seem naive, but it takes some people time to get it - I'm one of them, though generally deferential.
Now, with the prospect of another project with this client, I was anxious about how to salvage relationships and do better this time.
To handle the family problems, I found some good books on conversation that had useful insights and techniques. But they were just Ok.
When I looked for "negotiation techniques" to handle the relationship to my client better, I remembered a brief encounter with Getting to Yes. That led me to Difficult Conversations. All I did was read the summary/index at the end of the book, and I saw that it had what I needed right now for both my personal and work life. In fact, its general strength is not compartmentalizing. It's pragmatic, and focuses its systematic analysis on one's thinking, rather than laying out a formula of "quotations" and words to use. There's some of that, but it's a small part.
Unlike some other similar books I read through in the bookstore, the book isn't written as a "yes-book" (like a "yes-man") for people that want their ego to be stroked (or that like to be told that they're a bad person, either) - it's honest, direct, balanced, and helpful. I just wish they would have cited their primary sources and gave more description of actual case studies, rather than fictional, composite case studies.
I sent copies of relevant pages to my family members, and we're going to see how well it works when we get together in two weeks! We have multiple, individual issues, but I think this will help us move forward with respect and concern, without each of us falling into familiar traps.
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1 Total 1 pages 10 items |
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