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You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation (平装)
by Deborah Tannen
| Category:
Family communication, Motherhood, Relationship, Communication |
| Market price: ¥ 154.00
MSL price:
¥ 128.00
[ Shop incentives ]
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
An invaluable book that promises to improve relationships between mothers and daughters. |
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AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 7 items |
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Cathleen Medwick, O Magazine, USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
The 'metamessages' - implications behind the spoken words - she decodes in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation are so familiar, it hurts when you laugh.
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Kimberly Tranell, Glamour, USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
Deborah Tannen's groundbreaking book You Just Don't Understand improved male-female relationships about, oh, 100 percent. Now she's poised to do the same for moms and daughters in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. Listen, and get ready to make peace! |
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Whitney Scott (MSL quote), USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
The illuminating extracts from mother-daughter colloquies that she cites bring to life both the soothing ointment and the ripped-open scars possible in interchanges on... age-old sources of conflict for this extraordinarily intense kind of relationship. |
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The San Francisco Chronicle , USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a "self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations. |
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Publishers Weekly (MSL quote), USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
Tannen (You Just Don't Understand; That's Not What I Meant; etc.) continues to study human interaction through conversation, this time attempting to peel back the layers of meaning that make up conversations between mothers and their teenage and older daughters. While Tannen intends to clarify the ways in which mothers and daughters relate to each other verbally (through direct conversation; indirect messages, or "metamessages"; compliments or insults disguised as judgment; etc.), her own message is muddled by an overabundance of anecdotes and examples and too much stating the obvious. In chapters such as "My Mother, My Hair: Caring and Criticizing" and "Best Friends, Worst Enemies: A Walk on the Dark Side," Tannen seeks to examine every angle of various discussions and makes obvious comments, like "Where the daughter sees criticism, the mother sees caring... Most of the time, both are right." She then expands on her comment with lengthy and often unnecessary explanations. While Tannen is astute in her observation that "Our relationships with our mothers go on way beyond their lifetimes, no matter what age we are when we lose them," she fails to clear up the mysteries between mothers and daughters. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
It was very exciting and great fun to read a well researched book that made me look at my relationships - with my mother, with my daughter, and between my friends and their mother/daughter relationships. This is not a self-help book, but it is a book that describes through research relationships that can be viewed from a societal/system perspective rather than a personal perspective. Through that it helped me see my relationships and how they were affected by my culture. It will do for mother/daughter relationships what "You Just Don't Understand" did for gender relationships. Some of what we take for granted now, i.e. men don't stop to ask directions, came from Dr. Tannen's research. By looking at patterns in language, she points out to us what is common, but what we haven't seen before, so rather than think it is just my husband that won't stop for directions, we can see it culturally. What we thought was just "my mother" commenting on my hair, we can see is everyone's mother! I laughed out loud at some of the examples that rang a bell with me. A great book, and an easy read. I wish my mother were here to tell me again that my hair is too short, so we could laugh together at it. Guess I will just wait until my daughter comes over, and I can brush her hair out of her eyes - again. This book is not meant to heal bad relationships, but it will help us figure out some of those frustrating moments. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2008-03-30 00:00>
Moms and daughters have been experiencing personal conflicts with each other since the beginning of time. However, there are so many other outside challenges that affect our inside relationships with our daughters, or kids in general, in today's world, that moms often just do not get the insight into the whole language barrier.
I think Dr. Tannen did a pretty good job of summing up most of why our thoughts and patterns run amuck in communicating with our kids, especially preteen and teen daughters.
I think the book certainly has value and is well worth the money and merits at least reading twice. It's amazingly brave of the author to share with her readers in regard to her failures with her own mother.
If you feel there's parts missing in the book, topics that are not covered to include those of your own conflicting life with your daughter, other books to compliment this one would be Motherless Daughter, The Quest and Mommy CEO. In particular, Mommy CEO, covers all children, but does offer quite a bit on the preteen starting at the age of ten. Additionally, the 5 Golden Rules makes for a better stronger realtionship with all children, or at least it did with my 9-year-old twins.
Each one of the authors offer similar examples but combined together, they will be more helpful in developing better relationships, not only to your daughters, but also to yourself. Happy Parenting. |
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1 Total 1 pages 7 items |
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