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How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness (平装)
by Harold S. Kushner
| Category:
Spirituality, Inspiration, Psychological guide |
| Market price: ¥ 148.00
MSL price:
¥ 128.00
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Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
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AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 5 items |
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Carmen Mathews (MSL quote), USA
<>
I don't know if it is because I've read 3 other books by Rabbi Kushner, or because from the first words to the last words reading this book I feel like I am having a conversation with him. This includes many questions about life, the human condition, and religion that I have carried with me for a long time.
If someone had mentioned religion, God, or related words to me before discovering both Rabbi Kushner, and Dennis Prager, I would have been ready to bolt for the nearest door, because that had signaled what I called "Bible-triumphing time."
So, no matter where you stand on religion, politics, or the human condition, I invite you to open your mind to the possibility of forgiveness.
With the subtitle being "A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness," it's nice to notice that throughout this book Kushner discusses many examples of what guilt has been for us.
He uses "The Original Sin;" "Paradise Lost;" and many other stories that show how we have interpreted God's expectations of us to mean that we are born sinners who must become perfect. Which of course is not, as he points out, God's expectations of us.
Kushner adds, "My experiences as a clergyman and a counselor has taught me that much of the unhappiness people feel burdened by, much of the guilt, much of the sense of having been cheated by life, stems from one of two related causes: either somewhere along the way, somebody - a parent, a teacher, a religious leader - gave them the message that they were not good enough, and they believed it. Or else they came to expect and need more from the people around them - their parents, children, husbands, or wives - than those people could realistically deliver.”
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Lynn Tolson (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
Harold Kushner draws on his experience as a husband, father, and rabbi to explain the complex human condition: "The challenge of being human is so great that no one gets it right every time." Therefore, we experience (or anticipate) guilt, the wheel that steers our sense of right and wrong (if one is not a psychopath without conscience). Humans cannot always control events and consequences and make everything right. Paraphrasing Kushner, no matter how perfect we try to be, when something goes wrong, the "if onlys" serve only to needlessly hit our heads against the wall in self-recrimination and self-destruction.
What if we suffer from pervasive guilt for no real reason? What if our religion caused us to feel guilty because we were told that we were born with "original sin?" Kushner states: "Religion properly understood is the cure for feelings of guilt and shame, not their cause." Kushner says that religions may have been "holding up ideals against which we can measure ourselves." But how can religion (and only religion?) be the cure for guilt and shame? What if someone is not religious? Does that mean that there is no cure? What is Kushner's definition of religion?
Kushner describes religion as "the voice that says I will guide you through this minefield of difficult moral choices, sharing with you the insights and experiences of the greatest souls of the past, and I will offer you comfort and forgiveness when you are troubled by the painful choices you made." That's not the religion I grew up with. My religious leaders taught me that I was a heretic without hope of redemption. Also, who determines what constitutes the greatest souls?
Kushner explains another avenue to alleviating guilt: "If the essence of guilt is the feeling that `I am a bad person and I don't deserve to be loved because of what I have done,' we can neutralize that feeling by reassuring the people that we do in fact care about them not only because we are emotionally generous, caring people but because they genuinely deserve to be loved." Call me cynical, but I hope we can accomplish this in our fault-finding, victim-blaming, responsibility-abdicating society. On the sweeter side, Kushner offers a reassuring chapter: "God Loves You Anyway."
Kushner discusses the concept of working off guilt. In his case study, the guilty party is encouraged to give a "significant part of that fortune to a worthy cause." Money changes everything? By the way, how much for redemption?
Chapter 5 is titled "Choosing Happiness Over Righteousness," Kushner writes (in regards to heterosexual married couples, his comfort zone) "the fulfillment of being a pair, two souls combining to form a single complete being." In my opinion and belief, two souls are individual, and do not and cannot form a single complete being. Each soul is whole and complete in and of itself. I prefer Kahlil Gibran's version on being a pair in The Prophet:"Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." In keeping with the subtitle of his book (on forgiveness) Kushner writes: "Mature marital love sees faults clearly and forgives them, understanding that there are no perfect people, that we don't have to pretend perfection, and that an imperfect spouse is all that an imperfect person like us can aspire to."
So, with careful reading, I learned that religion is not the only cure for guilt. If, as the last paragraph of the book states, "we are brave enough to love, strong enough to forgive, generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all..." then perhaps we can manage, alleviate, or by miracle of God and/or Mother Nature, learn to live with guilt and find forgiveness for ourselves and others.
(Review of How Good Do We Have To Be: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness by Harold S. Kushner. Little, Brown, & Company, 1996. Hardcover. MSL remarks.) |
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Julia Masi (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
Ever read the Bible and wonder what was going through Abraham's mind when he put his son on the altar? Well, after reading this book I've been looking at Abraham in a different light. I've also found a renewed interest in the Old Testament and Ingmar Bergman's "Winter Light." If you're wondering what one has to do with the other, pick up this book. Kushner will have you looking at things differently and thinking about everything. It is surprisingly easy to read yet loaded with words of wisdom. Usually found in the self-help section, this inspirational work will help you through pangs of guilt and inspire you to forgive and forget. |
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Amy Haynie (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
Rabbi Kushner takes us back to the very beginning - back through Genesis to the Garden of Eden and re-examines the story of Adam and Eve. He re-evaluates the "curses" for eating of the Tree of Knowledge in a new, refreshing, and affirming way. All of this helps to explain the human conditions of shame and guilt and sheds a whole new light on the concept of Original Sin. There is much to chew on and ponder about this book. I have thought back to it daily (& quoted it often) since I finished it. It is an easy read and worth reading slowly - letting the new perspectives wash over and settle in. It has changed my life in a way that very few other books have. I am a second year seminary student so I have a lot of "spiritual" reading - this was one I read on the recommendation of a CPE resident. I recommend it highly to anyone - especially those who may struggle with their own myth of perfection and what it means to be good enough. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
If you ever felt that you wanted to be "somebody else," if you ever felt that you "were not good enough," this book explains where these feelings and thoughts might have come from. It does not go into great detail as to what you can do about it, but it is very insightful and serves as a proverbial wake-up call to "perfectionists" all over. He sorta argues that we are all on this quest to be 'perfect,' but this quest is destined to failure before it even begins. Read this book to gain insight and move forward on the journey. Also, read There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber to really give yourself a "1-2" knockout of wisdom. |
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1 Total 1 pages 5 items |
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