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He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (精装)
by Greg Behrendt , Liz Tuccillo
| Category:
Relationship, Dating, Self help |
| Market price: ¥ 248.00
MSL price:
¥ 218.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A book you have to read if you are female, single, in a relationship, or even married. |
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AllReviews |
  1 2 Total 2 pages 18 items |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
I got the book today and I read it all in a few hours! I couldn't put the book down because I absolutely love it. Greg knows exactly what is talking about, I couldn't agree with him more, in fact, I agree with every single sentence in this book... 100% accurate. I've always thought the same way he mentioned in the book, but he details it so well it gives you a descriptive definition with great examples. I can see why this book was the # 1 New York Times bestseller. As Greg admittedly mentions he was a former 'bad boy' back in the days playing girls and leading them on for his enjoyment-therefore, he knows exactly what to add in this book coming from someone with such experience. I believe ALL men are just like women, we all want the same thing-love. The bordering excuses won't help you out unless you're willing to face reality and quit being so blind to men's inexcusable, rude, careless behaviors. We all deserve happiness. I absolutely adore this book! I'm glad someone (Greg) was brave enough to let the world know how men truly are. If a man is truly interested in a woman he will do anything to make sure he has her full attention yearning and chasing after what she has to offer. I believe women who disagree with Greg's great opinions are the ones that are in miserable relationships and are in denial and wishing that sooner or later their man will change his negative, neglectful ways for the best and admire her like a queen-as all women should be treated as!! The other author Liz does not always see eye-to-eye with grey... that is why she is 41 (at the time sine this book is 2 years old-2004) and she is STILL single! (Which she mentions in the book). If only Liz thought the way Greg did and accepted the fact that all men think the same but what separates the 'good' from the 'bad' is their willingness to change for the better and be a great man for their girlfriend's because they love her that much and they too want to be happy. Go get this book and you will learn a lot! I love that it is from a male's perspective point of view with a women's input, collaboration. This book is certainly an A+ Thanks Greg! |
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Daniel Neiman (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
A woman friend of mine gave me this book to read. It's a very quick read, easily something you could finish in a couple of hours. It's filled with women writing in to Greg and Greg responding to them. At the end of each chapter Greg sums up everything you should have learned in the chapter and Liz gives her thoughts as a woman reading Greg's advice.
Greg comes off as a know-it-all of relationships and he's not. He makes countless assumptions and generalizations throughout the book. I know it's difficult to respond to a person’s situation after only reading a paragraph or two summary of their relationship. With this in mind though, Greg should be extra cautious in making so many assumptions about what's going on and what the woman should do. For this reason his advice should be taken with a grain of salt. The best thing to do in a relationship is to communicate to your partner. If he/she is doing something you don't like, you should talk to them about it. Don't force them to change but express your feelings about the situation. This also goes if your partner is not doing something you would like them to do. If they are then unwilling to change it is for you to decide whether or not you want to be with that person for the rest of your life.
But Greg thinks he knows the answer. For instance, if your boyfriend isn't having sex with you, Greg would say "He's just not that into you." "If a man likes you, he's going to want to have sex with you." This is true for most guys but it is still an overgeneralization. Some people may have had bad experiences with sex in the past and are afraid of not being up to par or something. In a situation like this it's not that the guy is "just not that into you" but that he is for one reason or another afraid of having sex. So like I said before, the best thing you can do in a relationship is have good, open communication. If your boyfriend is not having sex with you and you want him to, don't take Greg's advice and dump him right away but talk to him about it and get to the bottom of the issue and if he loves you he will try to work on his problem and please you. This is only one example of generalization from the book.
This book is really filled with red flags that women should watch out for. It stresses that you should be happy in a relationship. There should be mutual love. If your boyfriend isn't calling you, doesn't want to be intimate with you, doesn't want to marry you, is cheating on you, etc... These are red flags to look for which most likely tell you that he isn't into you or in other words doesn't love you. Don't just break up with someone because of something you read in an advice column (talk about pathetic). First and foremost, communicate these issues to your significant other. If he is unwilling to change and you are unhappy in the relationship, then get out.
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Cruz (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
He's Just Not That into You was given to me when my last boyfriend and I broke up (for the millionth time). I didn't read it right away (honestly, it seemed a little silly to think a book could actually have any answers to how I was feeling!), but I'm sure glad I finally opened it and gave it a read. Wait a minute here, you mean all the excuses I'd been hearing for months are things that everyone has already heard before? The job is too stressful, the move took all his energy... blah, blah, blah!
I have to say that this book helped me over the hump of that break up. No longer do I sit by the phone wishing it to ring! (If you've ever wished your phone to ring, you need this book!) I am a total convert to the He's Just Not That into You way of thinking. And it feels good!
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Jenn (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book changed my life. When I read it, I was trying to get over my ex who I loved, but unfortunately, he didn't feel the same. I honestly didn't know how I was going to get over him. Or find a man that wasn't a jerk or one that wouldn't vanish off to that island of lost men I'd heard so much about. He's Just Not That into You changed all that for me and gave me the closure I needed for my break-up with that last ex as well as closure for the hurt I'd endured from guys I'd been dating who would disappear. After reading this book, I realized I deserved better. And I realized I only wanted a man who only wanted me, for my good points as well as my not-so-good ones. It gave me the courage to be single and to live my life on my terms. The advice in this book is right on the money. Not long after I put my new He's Just Not That into You mentality to the test, I met my wonderful boyfriend who is solid proof of what Greg & Liz speak of in this book. He made the effort to call me and send me emails, and despite having a very demanding job (yeah, we've all heard that excuse) he made the time to see me. This book opened my eyes to the things men do when they are really truly into you. And if you really think about it, why chase after some guy who doesn't think you're great? That's what this book is all about. I've loaned this book to many of my girl friends who have thanked me profusely and even asked to pass it around to other friends of theirs. Don't settle...we all deserve better, and it is far worse to settle into a relationship that doesn't suit you than it is to be alone. |
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Martin (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
In spite of the Sex and the City tie-in it seemed geared to women much younger than the Fab Four, say upper teens and low twenties. Much of the material was so elementary that it would be hard to believe most women much past 25 weren't already savvy to it.
It's a difficult book to critique because it's ostensible purpose - helping women deal with Bad Men - is so very noble; being critical of it makes it sound like you're on the side of the Bad Guys. Such is not the case. Good Guys marvel at the idiocy of women seeming to spend all their time with Bad Guys. But except for that which is self-evident (like dumping a guy who's abusive) I thought the usual mix of comfortable and familiar half-truths, shallow analysis, and outright howlers would just make things worse.
The book will appeal to female chauvinists who haven't outgrown their Cinderella Complexes. It presents an unrealistic and warped universe where every women is a TEN (hottie, fox, etc.), while every man is a big zero. Yes, it's very flattering to the target female reader, telling her just what she wants to hear. I'm surprised at the extent to which women are easily seduced by such nonsense. The anti-male bias is so pervasive it makes you wonder why a) any woman would want to have anything to do with any man; b) why the author hasn't had a sex-change operation; or c) why the author hasn't simply committed suicide. But there are no answers to such questions.
Let's just take Rule #1 as an example. This is the Passivity Rule: don't call a guy you're interested in, don't ask him out. You're worth it, babe, and he should be grateful for being allowed in your presence. There's hardly any possibility of this rule being broken since women are naturally passive and have made it clear for years, in spite of claims to wanting equality, that they don't want to initiate or pursue. That's the man's ”job”, sort of like how it used to be the woman's job to have dinner on the table every night at 6PM. But if you want a quart of milk do you wait for it to show up on your door step, or do you go out to the store and get what you want?
Behrendt is especially lax when it comes to detailing the downsides of the passive strategy, which he doesn't really consider. First, it's designed perfectly to select for operators, seducers, "players", casanovas, the most sexually aggressive, pushy extroverts, etc. So women shouldn't be surprised or complain when that's what they get. After years of behavior training to hit on women, possibly dozens or hundreds of 'em, a man is not likely to change just because one finally says "yes". That would be sort of like expecting a woman to stop shopping after she's bought that dress or pair of shoes she wanted. Not gonna happen. So be passive if you want a man who'll cheat on you.
Second, the way things work is that the men with high "mate value" (good catches), those who are 8's, 9's and 10's aren't hitting on the women who are 5's and 6's - but the men who are 2's, 3's, and 4's are. So women who think they're meeting a random representative sampling of men and don't recognize that their strategy is producing what are called by scientists "selection effects" think all men are unworthy of them, that there are "no good men". (It helps even less if the woman who's a 6 thinks she's a 10...) In other words, the passive strategy guarantees a woman always meeting men *she* won't be that into.
Third, the strategy seriously disadvantages women who aren't approximately good-looking - i.e., the vast majority of women. This is because it's reliance on "attractiveness", which is to say "physical attractiveness", which is to say "sexual attractiveness" puts average looking woman with many other good qualities out of the competition and never allows them to show what they've got. Or you try and compete by being shallow and buying a lot of beauty products when you're time would be better spent reading a book or something (just not this book).
Ok, the other chapter worth a mention was the one on marriage. As you can surmise, the way it goes is that he's just not that into you if he won't marry you. Unless of course you're a woman who's leery of marriage; then he's the one wanting to marry and you're the one resisting. The whole tortuous chapter ends up with Behrendt coming down firmly on the fence after doing a long tap dance trying to reconcile these opposite ways of looking at things. He should have just said the rule is that the woman always gets her way, whatever it is, and left it at that.
This pretty well sums up the book, and one would have to be truly dense to not understand how this creates a world where no man with any self-esteem would have any interest in being into any woman at all, ever.
So the book actually adds to the problems it purports to be the solution to.
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Kent (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book is great in that it hits the nail right on the head over and over again, with examples of the many ways that men so often play along in a relationship with no intention of ultimately going the distance, i.e., marriage. Before I finally found someone I was really into and married her, I was guilty of treating women in ways that are discussed here. Based on that and on observing friends and colleagues that are currently treating women this way, I commend this book to you if you are interested in getting to the truth of the matter. The presentation by the authors is quick paced and humorous. But when these things are happening in relationships they aren't humorous at all. The woman ends up wasting her time and being hurt, while the guy just slouches off and does the same thing to another woman that he is just not that into either. The authors (even when using some contrived examples to make their points) provide excellent insight and offer sound advice that you deserve more. As a man I see myself in some of examples. |
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Brittany (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
I never really noticed how much women really do make excuses for these pathetic men in our lives that treat us like crap until I read this book. Its a very easy read and give examples of all the men they describe. I love Greg Behrendt and his no sugar coating way of explaining how men think. He puts good humor and no-nonsense advice together to make him a very likeable guy. This book really helped me realize what jerks I have around me and that I should not be afraid to raise my standards for myself! It definitely gave me a little boost of confidence and I would recommend this book to any women/girls who are confused about a guy or guys. |
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Stella (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
While this book can be a little black and white, overall it is a good book for women, especially those over thirty, in the dating scene( as dating in your thirties is much more complicated than in your twenties). Some take offense at the idea that a guy is just not into them but what this book is really about is that a women should be treated well and if she isn't getting what she wants from a relationship she should move on. To reviewers who have said that it's common sense etc. I know many great, beautiful, successful, smart women who have put up with a lot of crap and made a lot of excuses for men. When you're over thirty and dating in a big city, it's tough and I have seen many of the scenarios in the book played out in real life. Worse ones in fact. It's much easier to see when a friend is being played than when it's you. If you watched the piece Oprah did on the book you could see the array of beautiful women who were settling for peanuts. This book isn't saying all guys are bad, it is just saying don't waste your time with a guy who isn't giving you what you want because there's probably a guy out there who will and you deserve it. |
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1 2 Total 2 pages 18 items |
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