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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (Audio CD)
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
| Category:
Parenting |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
[ Shop incentives ]
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
Apply the time-tested communication techniques taught in this book and you'll get your kids cooperation without yelling or arguing. |
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AllReviews |
  1 2 Total 2 pages 14 items |
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Kimberly White (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-18 00:00>
My husband bought this book when our oldest child was 10. We realized we weren't communicating well and were frightened that we would lose our relationship altogether when she hit her teenage years. Well, the book was a godsend. The authors basically teach you how to treat your child like a capable and worthy person, when you may be treating them as irresponsible, unimportant, or unlikeable. They first convince you to stop criticizing your children for what they think or feel, and to acknowledge how they might be feeling when they tell things to you. I know this sounds touchy-feely, but acknowledging feelings doesn't mean giving your kids any leeway in their behavior. For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?" You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, BEFORE you focus on solving the problem.
The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."
One thing we had a problem with at first is that the authors do not support time-outs. We had always been big believers in consequences for behavior, and had relatively well-behaved children with the time-out method. Well, we gave it a try, and were amazed. We found that we were fully able to correct our children's behaviors without time-out at all. And in fact, they were happier and less disobedient in general when they weren't constantly being sent away from the family in disgrace. We haven't even been tempted to put anyone in time-out for almost a year. Most surprising, our 3-year-old COMPLETELY stopped throwing tantrums within about two days of our stopping time-outs. It was a dramatic change for a child who had always been a little difficult to handle.
Our oldest was slower to respond (age has a lot to do with it, I think) and we found it much harder to implement changes for her. It was difficult to stop lecturing and blaming her. But we have, and we have a fantastic relationship! Other parents of kids the same age are surprised how well we communicate and how fun and friendly our relationship is. We still have the teen years to get through, but I'm much more confident they will be a success, as we know how to treat her like a capable, loveable, valuable person.
Buy this book. End of story.
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T. Perry (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-18 00:00>
This book is excellent in the insight it gives on praising kids for the good things that they do instead of always dwelling on the bad behavior. The book gives many helpful tips for dealing with all typs of issues involing children's behavior and how we as parents should talk to our kids.
The only thing I don't agree with in the book is the chapter on not punishing kids for bad behavior. Kids must know that there are consequences for bad behavior and if they make the wrong choice there will be a punishment. But that is my opinion. |
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L. Benedict (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-18 00:00>
I am still reading this book but it is wonderful. The hardest part is changing everything you are already doing! I know when I first started reading and it showed examples of conversations that didn't get anywhere and all I saw was my parents and I, and realize that is what I need to change. My son is a sweet boy but has a hard time saying how he feels and it comes out in frustration and agitation. I am hoping that this book will help me change to help him be able to communicate better!
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-18 00:00>
I would have given this book three and a half stars if possible, it's been a great addition to my collection. My only complaint is that the techniques in this book seem much more appropriate for slightly older children, probably those seven and above. The general premise is that children can be disciplined more effectively when they are shown respect, when your feelings/their feelings are taken into account, and when they are encouraged to develop autonomy and problem-solve for themselves.
The suggestions in the book seem great for older kids in terms of developing independence, learning to take responsibility, experiencing logical consequences for their actions, etc. For very small children, it seems like some of the advice on giving the child more information and talking about your feelings would make things unnecessarily vague. This also seems true about the author's objection to using punishment. Natural consequences and talking things out seem like a better alternatives for older children who can better rationalize and understand the logical consequences of their actions. The use of prevention paired with immediate, brief consequences for true misbehavior seems like the more developmentally appropriate choice for tiny children who can get lost with a lot of explaination and may not be able to extrapolate your meaning when things aren't stated directly. There are also a lot of good strategies for small children (use of routine, visual schedules for transitions, etc.) that aren't touched on here. A lot of the advice on active listening, positive reinforcement, etc., does apply to small children, though. Overall, highly recommended for kids seven and up, recommended as a compliment to additional reading for younger children. |
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1 2 Total 2 pages 14 items |
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