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Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby (平装)
by Tracy Hogg with Melinda Blau
| Category:
Baby care, Parenting, Baby books |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
With comprehensive and practical information including advice on wake up routines, diapering routines, bathing routines, body language guides, and cry deciphering, this book is quite a manual for new moms. |
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AllReviews |
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A. Netzer (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-11 00:00>
I read this book to help me solve sleeping problems with the 4 month old I am nannying (as recommended by mom). It is easier to read than most parenting books and gives good practical advise. For example, she advises to put baby down before he's asleep but pick him up if he cries and comfort him until he stops and then put him back down - repeat until baby is able to calm himself to sleep. I was worried that picking him up would establish a bad habit, but I found out that after a while, he didn't need me to pick him up anymore. She mentions that on one occassion while teaching a baby to calm himself, she picked-up/put-down the baby over 100 times one night before the baby went to sleep. That's a little frightening, but it's those details - the range of normalcy - that most advise books leave out! Without that information you may get to pick-up # 30 and think, "My baby is different. Surely the author would agree that this just isn't working" and quit. But the example gives you confidence that although it may be tough at first, if you just persevere, it will get better and your life will be easier - and the baby happier.
I thought the advise about talking to your baby (giving it a tour of the house, explaining every touch and diaper change) was a little out-there, but I tried it and found that the baby responded much better and seemed to even understand. She also discusses that most babies' crying will escalate 3 times when putting them to sleep. That was helpful because I could count them in my head and know that after about the 2nd or 3rd, it would end!
The Baby Whisperer approach is neither too child-centered (attachment parenting) or too parent-centered (or rigid scheduling). It doesn't tell you to control the baby, but it also points out how teaching the baby independence is good for and respectful of him. It was extremely helpful to read a book that told me, "Do this and it will get better if you follow through." And it did! It wasn't more than a few days after applying the advise that I was able to get the baby to sleep without a fight. Now he's practically eliminated the whole 10-minute routine I did before naptime and will reach for his crib, find his passy and go to sleep by himself (sometimes with a little crying). I understand more when he's telling me he's ready for a nap and I find it's a fairly predictable schedule, although not rigid.
The explanation of 5 typical baby personalities is helpful, yet flexible. My baby didn't fit into one category, but I understood him better. May especially be helpful for parents with a "grumpy" baby to know that it's nothing you're doing or not doing (although it might be if the baby's not on a flexible schedule). Often it's just a disposition the baby has.
I highly recommend this book. I've also read Gary Ezzo's book and prefered this, even though most of my friends follow Baby Wise. I recommended this to my sister-in-law who was having trouble with her newborn's sleeping habits and it helped her tremendously also. |
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S. Johnson (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-11 00:00>
Hey dads, moms, grandparents, etc., Here is a bit of my experience with The Baby Whisperer.
My wife and I were looking for something that was in between the stricter method of child rearing and the loosey goosey methods. We knew that each way had its merits but wanted more information on when one method would be preferable over another and/or how to implement a hybrid of both.
Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer seemed to be that middle ground and provided a lot of the answers we were looking for. Note that it didn't provide them all and we dismissed some methodology that we didn't want at all. However, we were able to file that information away "just in case."
She seems to lean a bit more toward the stricter, "Babywise" side, at least in the scheduling department, but she does allow for some flexibility. We tried to implement her EASY method but our son needed some variation on it and that was fine. As long as we were consistent, a point she emphasizes, he had fewer problems. And with eating and sleeping, she can discuss how to do it in general terms but the detailed intricacies need to be discovered by individual parents based on the situation. Sure, a routine of bath, story, and into the crib is easy to write but leaves some blanks that the parent must fill in (does the baby like a rocking chair for the story or somewhere else? Is a bath at night feasible for the parents or would a mid-day bath be better?). Over time, the parents learn about the baby and vice versa and Hogg's methods are implemented more easily because of this increased familiarity.
As for common sense, yes, she does talk about things that are common sense to some people but when it comes to parenting, the definition of common sense can vary. She gives some nuances that can be applied to basic "common sense." And think about dealing with a screaming newborn for the first time and remember how common sense can go out the window for some people. But the more you read, hear and evaluate advice on parenting, the more prepared you will be to recognize what is common sense.
One of the problems I had was that her numbers don't always seem to add up. As she lists out timelines, I felt her math was a bit off. So, when looking for her recommendations on when to do something, I was often confused because start and stop times would overlap. However, I could get the main idea of what she was saying and would just adjust it to fit but this was not always easy.
And, yes, she does classify babies into four categories. Of course, this is very small but it gives a good base. This is done all the time and we actually looked at it as a starting point. Does our son fit one category? Does he straddle more than one? It isn't the end all, be all of personality types but it is a point of reference, much like the book as a whole.
As for the father part, this was another book that helped me feel less in the dark when it came to parenting decisions. My wife didn't have to know everything herself and could use me as a resource. I could also decipher the "book-speak" of acronyms and theories that new parents often have. I also knew that I could get my son to sleep (usually) when it was bedtime, among other things.
In general, the BEST thing I've learned from parenting books, classes, my wife and other parents is that no one method works across the board when applied to babies and kids. Nothing! There are things that might work 99% of the time but don't be surprised when a "proven" method comes up short. At those times, a little improv can help and then it is good to have more than one source of information to pull from. This book is not for everyone and I can't advise anyone to only use this book as their reference at home. But it does come with a lot of good information and that information needs to be evaluated before implementing. As for us, we liked it enough to add the toddler version to our collection of books about that age.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-11 00:00>
Tracy Hogg claims this is a middle of the road approach. It isn't. As a parent and as a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have read most of the parenting books on the market. This book isn't much different from all of the other sleep training books out there.
It is obvious it is written from the perspective of a babysitter rather than a medical doctor, psychologist, or experienced parent. Her change a "bad" habit in three days is ridiculous and oversimplified. Yes, you can change a behavior if you are ruthless enough about it, but that doesn't mean you should. Picking up the baby and putting them back down repeatedly as she recommends might make you feel like you are doing something rather than just leaving them there to cry, but you aren't meeting the babies need for closeness. In one example she explains that in one night she picked up and put a baby down 172 times (when he cried, she picked him up and as soon as he stopped she put him down), how frustrating for this poor baby who was trying to communicate a need that went unmet. After several days, the baby gave up and didn't cry in his crib anymore. She cites this as an example of how great her training program is. Babies are people with needs.
I met a family recently who used this approach and their baby responded to this program like a trained pup. She was complacent and passive. She slept through the night without a peep and from 8:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. Her daily routines involved videos, bottles, and crib-time with a bunch of pacifiers. No rocking, no lullabyes, definitely no nursing. It definitely was easy as her "E.A.S.Y." program implies. But, this kind of approach has negative long term effects. The mother said that the approach is great because her child doesn't have to "waste energy communicating her needs" because they tell her what she needs. This is a big premise of this book. I found this very sad.
Children need to learn to identify their needs, communicate their needs, and have those needs met. In this process they learn to communicate and have healthy trusting relationships with others. These sleep training programs are based on behavioral psychological theories. The problem with this is that these approaches are more appropriate for animals, which is how these theories developed. But it is completely developmentally inappropriate to use these behavior modification approaches with human infants. The first 12 to 18 months of life the primary task of a human infant is to learn to trust.
This author really does not understand child development at all, one of her main points is "start as you mean to go on" and she explains how you shouldn't start doing something that you don't want to continue. It doesn't work like this. Young children are needy and as those needs are met, they become less needy. There is a classic study by Ainsworth that showed that young infants whose cries were responded to promptly cried less as older infants, whereas young infants whose cries were ignored or responded to inappropriately or wiht delay cried more when they were older. Books like this make the routine more important than the relationship. This causes significant long term relationship problems that the child will struggle with in the years to come. I see this every day in my practice-problems with intimacy and materialism, attaching and finding comfort in objects continuing later in life- the bottle, pacifier, and blankie become the cigarette, the alcoholic drink, the compulsive shopping, the compulsive eating, etc tomorrow. Of course the occasional use of a pacifier or bottle when mom isn't available is handy, but overrelying on mother substitutes as Tracy recommends is not good for your child.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give is teach your child to love people and use things, and not the other way around. This book promotes loving things and using people. The approach is very manipulative. If you want to learn more about child development, go right to the source and study Winnicott, Kohut and Bowlby. Or if you want to read a book marketed to parents read The Baby Book or No Cry Sleep Solution or Good Nights.
(A negative review. MSL remarks.) |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-11 00:00>
I'm really surprised by the negative reviews of this book! I had read several other books and didn't get the help I needed. Tracy's book helped me with a difficult infant. He nursed every two hours around the clock for the first three months... and experienced moms know that means you have about an hour's break in between to sleep, go to the bathroom, eat a meal, take a shower, write thank you notes, visit with family and friends, throw in a load of laundry, etc. I was barely functioning as a human being. Getting the nursing started was extremely difficult and for some reason, the lactation consultants I talked to weren't able to help me, the baby cried a lot (everyone called it colic), he wouldn't sleep well, etc. When I read Tracy's book and worked my baby onto the E.A.S.Y. schedule, he was so much happier. He needed the predictability of knowing what was coming next in this new unknown world. Plus, Tracy helped me learn to interpret his different cries (hungry, tired, tummyache, etc.) and be more aware of his cues. She also loosely categorizes babies into personality types and gives ideas for how to deal with different babies' needs. This helped me recognize that my baby was very sensitive and was easily overstimulated by noise and toys and visitors and I could adjust accordingly.
As far as the comments about Tracy being negative about breastfeeding, I read the book and breastfed and don't remember being offended by anything she said, although I had decided before reading the book that breastfeeding was the best choice for me. She was very honest that breastfeeding is much harder than most first-time moms expect. I was glad to have some validation that it is really tough to train yourself and the baby. I wish I had known that ahead of time so I wouldn't have been so discouraged.
I'm wondering if the people who posted negative reviews had relatively easy babies or maybe were more experienced moms who didn't need some help getting started. At any rate, I found the book to be a life-saver for my sanity, and my baby was much happier after I practiced some of Tracy's tips. |
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