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On Becoming Baby Wise: The Classic Sleep Reference Guide Used by Over 1,000,000 Parents Worldwide (平装)
by Gary Ezzo, Robert Bucknam
| Category:
Baby books, Baby care, Parenting |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A controversial book with mixed reviews. The best practice is not to depend on any single philosophy of childcare and to find which works best for you out of a couple of resources. |
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AllReviews |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
Babywise made our family completely crazy the first few weeks of our newborn's life. I would strongly suggest that people NOT buy this book. We tried to follow the instructions, having read the book and become convinced that to not follow its advice would be a big mistake, but our baby was not remotely interested in sleeping after being awake, was extremely interested in sleeping after nursing (which is biological/chemical - the foremilk makes babies sleepy - surely there is good reason for this that no book's advice should counter!), and was most definitely interested in eating more often than every 2.5 hours. The pediatrician said newborns should eat every 1.5-2 hours, not 2.5 -3 as the book says... long story short, this book made us question every instinct we had as parents, and while we were trying to listen to it, our lives were miserable. Once we stopped trying to dictate our baby's every need on a schedule convenient to us, and instead listened to his needs, our lives got easier, and he slowly developed a routine of his own - it varies, and it's not perfectly tuned in to our dinnertimes and hoped-for bedtimes, but it is one that keeps all of us happier and healthier than we could have been by following the babywise advice.
(A negative review. MSL remarks.) |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
There are some parents who will employ the Babywise program without problems. However, based on my own experience, the experiences of many other mothers I know, and pretty extensive research, I believe that it's the luck of the draw whether your baby will be ok on this program, or have serious, and possibly long-term, problems.
Baby care is hard for new parents, who are easily overwhelmed by the sometimes all-consuming needs of an infant. This book has a one-size-fits-all approach that tells parents there's a simple way to get their baby into shape and eliminate all the unpredictability and exhaustion a new baby brings. However, Mr. Ezzo has no medical background, little formal education and no training or education in breastfeeding, and this is reflected in his parenting advice.
This book has a lot of flat-out wrong "information" about breastfeeding. Most significantly, Babywise does not recognize that the amount of milk a breastfeeding mother can make at one time varies substantially from mother to mother. Consequently, even if babies all had the same appetite and rate of growth -- which they do not -- this program will not work for all, or even most, mothers. A baby who might be able to get enough milk by feeding every three hours with one mother might need to feed every 1 and 1/2 hours from another mother in order to get enough milk. Ezzo's book makes NO allowance for this fact! So while some mothers and babies may be able to follow the program because by luck (because it already suits their bodies' natural schedule) others will struggle. Some babies will simply not get enough milk, through no fault of their own or their moms. This is why there have been so many incidents of babies who suffered from dehydration, malnurishment and failure to thrive on this program. Babywise does not take this into account and it fails to inform readers that the program may not work for them for this reason.
In addition, Babywise tells parents that when a baby awakens from a nap before he is scheduled to, it's not because he is hungry but because he is still tired and needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. Contrary to the expert opinions of doctors and lactation specialists, Babywise refuses to acknowledge that babies sometimes awaken earlier than scheduled because they are hungry (or thirsty), and not just tired. Parents, especially inexperienced ones, may not be aware that small babies sometimes retreat into sleep to escape stressful situations. A crying baby who has awakened from a nap from hunger may eventually go back to sleep, falsely appearing to have been crying from tiredness. The baby's parents, relying on Babywise, assume the baby was just tired all along, and feel falsely assured the program is working. Babywise can easily mislead parents into believing their schedule is working when in fact it is depriving their child of needed milk or causing the baby needless suffering.
In addition, as any woman who has pumped throughout the day knows, most woman have much more milk in the morning, and far less in the afternoon and evening. I follow a 3-hour schedule while pumping (though not when actually breastfeeding my baby) and I can pump as much as 7 ounces in a sitting in the morning, but sometimes only 2 to 3 ounces by late afternoon. This is common. As a result, many babies, particularly newborns, feed much more frequently in the late afternoon and evening, because there is less milk in the breast at those feedings. Again, Babywise does not acknowledge this and recommends a feeding schedule of 2 1/2 to 3 hours apart throughout the day and night, despite these variations. The result is that a baby may receive much less milk than the baby needs and craves, but gives up crying because he becomes conditioned to the fact that he will not be fed until the scheduled time period.
And that's just the problems with the Babywise feeding program. Babywise also attributes newborns with a "sinful" inborn desire for "instant gratification" that must be forced out of them by scheduled feeding, lest they become selfish, out-of-control adults due to the indulgence of demand feeding. There is absolutely no evidence of any kind that feeding a baby when the baby appears hungry leads to behavior problems later in life. Zilch. Babywise takes a very negative view of infant needs, as well as other less regimented parenting styles, and makes parental control over what are basically bodily functions more important than both the mother and baby's happiness. The book says to use "common sense" and "flexibility" but it also constantly admonishes parents from allowing flexibility to become the new routine. Also, because Babywise provides incorrect information AND tell mothers to avoid "emotionalism" (i.e., their maternal instincts) in favor of the schedule, Babywise actually undermines common sense because it persuades parents not to trust their instincts if their instinct differ from the program.
If you want to have a schedule or a routine, there are many other parenting books with safer, more educated and more compassionate approaches than this. Also, though you wouldn't know it from this book, you can actually schedule your baby's activities and sleep without scheduling feedings, or at least not restrictively.
The bottom line is, there is no magic bullet for parenting a baby. Some of the proporals in this book may work for you if you are lucky, and your baby's and your own biology happen to match the Babywise schedule. But it's a gamble, and trying to force it based upon the incorrect information in this book could lead to much frustration and unhappiness at best, or tradgedy at worst. You can do better. Pass this book by.
(A negative review. MSL remarks.) |
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Tom Reed (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
We have five children, ages 16 to 2. I am a physician and my wife graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Elementary Education. I also graduated from college with a degree in Psychology. We have been married for almost 21 years and we had our first child when I was forty and my wife was twenty-nine. We both came from larger than average families and we thought parenting was going to be a breeze. Boy, were we wrong. We didn't know anything about Babywise at the time and used the Dr. Sears-LaLeche League-Attachment Parenting philosophy of parenting. We believed the prevailing thought of the medical and behavioral experts in childrearing would help guide us through the nuances of parenting. Since my background was in the behavioral sciences, my wife and I felt confidence in placing our trust in the so-called child psychology experts of the day. This was big mistake.
What we produced as a result of following these principles were three whiney, insecure, high-maintenance, demanding, and unhappy children. My wife was a physical and emotional wreck from lack of sleep and chasing three kids around the house all day. Very little else seemed to get done. By the time our oldest child was 5 years old, our family was in chaos. We thought that this was just going to be the way it was, and our lives were going to be a day to day life of exhaustion and frustration, wondering what happened to those dreams of a happy and peaceful home.
Eventually, we were exposed to the Ezzos' teaching which is based on good, old-fashioned, common sense parenting advice, and our family began an amazing transformation; so much so that we had two more children when we originally really didn't think we wanted more want any more because things were so chaotic in our home. We took a parenting class called Growing Kids God's Way which brought some peace, order and joy back into our lives. Then came Babywise and Preparation for Parenting which helped us with our next two infants. We learned how to get our babies to sleep through the night which gave us more sleep and more energy to deal with the day to day activities of raising a family. The fruit of our labor which is principled on the Bible and the Ezzos' suggestions for the practical application of those principles, is that we now have a strong, affectionate, close knit family filled with love, respect, and honor; something that we thought we would never achieve following the attachment parenting principles of the first five years. We are so thankful to the Ezzos for providing the tools for us to raise a healthy and happy family. The Ezzos recommendations are just one of many tools available to advise parents on raising their children. It is certainly not the only way and they never claim that it is. They have always recommended that parents explore the options and make choices suitable to their parenting ideals.
We have read all the Ezzo/Bucknam books and have been teaching the Ezzos' parenting classes for about 11 years. We have seen the same transformation occur in many, many families. Exhausted, frustrated parents with out of control children learn how to bring peace and harmony to their family with some common sense advice. It only seems radical to some because our western culture is so devoid of common sense parenting principles these days. We have lost the last two generations to secular humanism with social experimentation that changes with the wind, and parents are not privy to the basic art and skills of effective parenting that has characterized past generations. The Ezzo teaching is not new; it is just tried and true good sense parenting. Despite what the Ezzo critics would like you to believe,the Ezzos' teaching has never in any way been censured by the AAP. Dr.Robert Bucknam, co-author of Babywise, is a member in good standing of the AAP, is board certified in pediatarics, and has been a clinical adjunct faculty member at the University of Colorado.
We now count Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo among our closest friends, and our children enjoy them as much as we do. They are two of the kindest, most generous, fun-loving, sincere, and honest people we know. Those who are so quick to criticize them have usually never met them personally and are not even vaguely familiar with the true content of their books and classes. We have spent a great deal of time around them and have also spent the last 5 years researching all of the "controversy" surrounding their teaching. We have communicated with some of the most vocal critics, and based upon our interactions with them and the information we have gleaned in our research, we have no problem vouching for the character of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo or the effectiveness of their teaching. We are saddened by the truth-twisting, innuendo and duplicity and petty turf wars initiated by radicals associated with La Leche League Attachment Parenting philosophy. You can see real examples of that truth-twisting as well as many, many testimonials in support of the Ezzos parenting methods on our website, www.ezzotruth.com.
If you are not sure about what parenting philosophy to follow with your family, educate yourself on ALL the options, including Babywise. Even the Ezzos recommend that parents explore the options and make decisions that seem best for your own family. But don't assume that you know a book because you've read the reviews. Form your opinion by actually reading the book and perhaps you'll find as we did that Babywise, and all the other Ezzo parenting resources, provide a balanced, practical, and common sense approach to raising your family. Despite what some reviewers claim, here is what you find when you read the entirety of Babywise: babies are fed whenever they are hungry, they are held and comforted when they need comfort, they are allowed to sleep when they are tired, and it all happens on each individual baby's time-schedule...with healthy averages given and with an eye toward establishing a flexible, baby-driven routine, guided by parental wisdom and common sense. Flexibility and context are stressed throughout. Nowhere in Babywise is any kind of "rigid" scheduled feeding taught or encouraged, nor are parents taught to ignore a baby's cries. |
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Alisa Terry (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
This book advocates several principles that may be convenient to parents but are dangerous to the health and well-being of infants. Getting an infant to sleep completely through the night and putting them on a feeding schedule leads to infant dehydration, low weight gain and failure to thrive as well as reduced milk supply in the breastfeeding mother. This is backed by research, which is something this book lacks. The American Academy of Pediatrics warns against scheduled feedings in a statement issued in 1998.
In the February 17, 1998 Wall Street Journa Article "Striking Behavior," it was noted that "More than 100 doctors, nurses and other health professionals hope to persuade the academy [the American Academy of Pediatrics] to investigate the Ezzos. A "Letter of Concern" they signed and sent to the academy last year stated that some of the Ezzos' medical claims are "untrue, misleading or unsubstantiated." Arnold Tanis, a Hollywood, FL pediatrician and past president of the academy's Florida chapter, submitted a resolution expressing similar concerns
at the academy's recent Southwest district chapter meeting. The
resolution passed earlier this month... "
An example of unsubstantiated advice from the book is as follows: "From birth onward, infant hunger patterns will either become stable and regular or move towards inconsistency. When infants are fed on the PDF plan, their hunger patterns stabilize. The reason for this is that the hunger mechanism (digestion and absorption) operates as if it has a metabolic memory reinforced by routine. If Chelsea's feeding periods are regular, she will establish a hunger metabolism that is stable and predictable. For example, if her mom feeds her at approximately 7:00 A.M., 10:00 A.M., 1:00 P.M., 4:00 P.M., 7:00 P.M. and 10:00 P.M., Chelsea's hunger synchronizes with those times. This happens only where feeding periods are routine...." [BW 2001, pp. 48-49] There is no evidence whatsoever that a baby can develop a metabolic memory, nor does evidence support scheduled feedings as being beneficial or healthy.
This book also advocates Controlled Crying, a method where parents allow their children to cry for longer and longer periods of time before comforting them. The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health had this to say about this method in a paper issued in 2002 and revised in 2004, "AAIMHI is concerned that the widely practiced technique of controlled crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences... Infants whose parents respond and attend to their crying promptly, learn to settle more quickly in the long run as they become secure in the knowledge that their needs for emotional comfort will be met."
While it may be tempting for parents, especially Christian parents, to desire a program that trains children to be convenient to adults and prescribes a cure for their apparent "sinfull" nature, they risk endangering their chikd's health and emotional development. There are ample alternative resources for both Christian and non-Christian parents to help them achieve many similar objectives while respecting the true nature of infants and their needs.
(A negative review. MSL remarks.)
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
The Ezzos' advice has caused failure to thrive and dehydration in too many infants (even one would be too many). Worse, they talk about infants as if they are the enemy, something to be tamed, something to be trained for the parents' convenience. This book advocates a cold way to parent, a cruel way to parent, in my estimation. Babies cry because they need something, not because they are manipulative. They need touch, holding, cuddling, and feeding on demand. They are not able to sleep the long stretches that this book suggests. These people seem to have no knowledge whatever of child development, nor of physiology in general when it comes to breastfeeding. Too bad the Ezzos can't be arrested for child abuse.
(A negative review. MSL remarks.) |
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Patrick Flanagan (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
Babywise was recommended to me by several people whom I trusted- then I read the reviews on here, and thought about it a little but still planned to read it. My medical parents and sister read the reviews here, went and read more papers, and were scared away by it- and so I held off. Finally, when my mentor- a pastor- recommended it yet again as a tested method, as did a social worker and present pastor, I bought it. After reading just the back of the book and the first chapter I was delighted- now, having read the book, I wished to post a sound responding review.
Orson Wang's review on here is at the top, and incredibly critical. His primary focal complaint is that the book's author is NOT a medical doctor and the book lacks proper medical backing and knowledge. This is as completely out-dated critically as he says the book is. The version of the book presently sold now on Amazon is the "Revised and updated" edition. Now, its authors are "Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D.". Dr. Bucknam gives a forward in the book explaining why he supports babywise- that he was an OBGYN and became a paediatrician- and the book now has incredible backing and testing. Four pediatricians vouch for the book on the back cover "From a pediatricians perspective, this is a sigh of welcome relief for sleepless, weary parents." Is one comment. Also, and most importantly, a study was done with over 500 children- roughly half boys and half girls, and a gender balanced half doing the Babywise method while the other half doing the traditional attachment style parenting recommended by many now. The results are used throughout the books- with large portions dedicated to backing their findings and advice.
By week eight at least 70% of the Babywise children were sleeping through the night. By week twelve, over 90% were sleeping through the night and many were sleeping nine or more hours at a time. The feeding loose PDF (parent directed feeding) method is seen as the core to assisting to put the child on the sleep schedule- that and the style of putting the children to sleep work hand in hand.
I believe Babywise is not nearly as extreme as is portrayed by the views of many who reviewed this book on Amazon. The feeding style is a balanced one that combined a schedule, feeding ques, and parental discretion. It explains the different techniques, and why they feel this one works well. It expects that the readers will use their discretion to find the best method. Also, the book focuses on a healthy family- and some might be offended by this fact. It states that a healthy marriage is more important to a child's health and growth than any schedule or feeding technique- both what the child does see and does not see (ie- not seeing the parents fight IS important, but if the child does not see healthy, loving interaction that will be negative as well!).
As for the pediatric backing- not all pediatricians agree, and there are many different methods out there. What I write this to contradict is that this method is completely unbacked, and completely unsound medically. It has been soundly tested, and trained pediatricians support it- and a paediatrician helped revise it. It is a used, supported theory- just as valid as the opposing theories, if not more so (though that last is my opinion and not fact, of course). As some reviews have said- particularly on Babywise II: pre-toddlers- in other reviews, the important key is to use discretion and find what is important to you. A good parent will decide what to take from this book- and be open to challenging their own opinions or preferences. Remember, as my wife said, "I [you] am the parent, not the child. I need to do for my son what is best for him, not me." My wife had a hard time adjusting to the new style- she would prefer attachment parenting, and he has been raised that way for the last 2.75 months of his life. This week, however, we began a schedule while my wife is at work and I care for our son- and it has worked wonderfully. We began easing him into propless sleeping (ie- not sleeping with me during the day (she is still working on letting go of night-sleeping; not being rocked to sleep, but going straight to sleep on his own even if he cries for around 15 minutes on average). He has taken to it very quickly, and the daytime has gone from a nightmare to a wonderful dream!
Whatever your perspective- I think every parent should read Babywise, whether they choose to follow it, take parts from it, or not. It is clearly a book written by Christians, so I also challenge non-Christians to read it- and make sure you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, pun intended! |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-02-12 00:00>
I am not interested in Ezzo- or GFI-bashing here in this review.
As a mom of three infant boys, each a little over a year apart with one more on the way, I see nothing wrong with the gist of the Babywise book. The principles for eating and sleeping work rather well if you employ them with some grace and flexibility as tiny ones require. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Ezzo's do not suggest tossing your tenderness, intuition, or creative parenting out the window--they provide some basic eating/sleeping instructions very similar to those sent home with Mom a generation ago from Dr. Spock, the pediatrician, or the hospital nurse (but not highly common nowadays due to the AAP's shift in philosophy). Such advice will not harm your baby unless you employ their methods religiously as if it is the "magic formula" to enjoying newborns. There exists no such formula - not in Ezzo, and not in the Sears or child-centered camp either.
Briefly, the basic principles covered include:
1. Feeding approx every three hours
2. Trying to keep your baby awake during feedings and a little afterwards.
3. Putting your baby down to sleep before the next feeding.
4. Keeping your baby on a eat-wake-sleep routine to help their hunger stabilize for faster nighttime sleeping.
5. Trying not to allow babies to become overdependent for sleep on any one prop (rocking, swings, slings, pacifiers, car rides, etc).
6. Generally helping the baby's needs to fit into you and your family's routine, rather than arranging you and your family's needs completely around the baby's routine (or having none at all).
I maintain that these principles, while presented a little briskly, are not damaging to infants. They are in fact very helpful if after a month or two your baby does not naturally seem to eat or sleep with any pattern, or if he/she has the days and nights mixed up. But people take the Ezzo's too far when they pretend that their methods are gospel to tending, pacifying, or loving newborns - or MAKING them do anything. All they can do is provide guidelines for structure. And yet there is a tendency for new parents with a distinctively wailing newborn to be anxious for solutions to stop the crying, and for signs that they are feeding the child enough, doing all the right things. If you follow Ezzo (or Sears) believing that they will keep you safe, your real relationship with your baby may suffer because that is the wrong mentality to approach parenting. It is this formula-seeking, intimidated approach to parenting that is the real danger to a child's health and psychology, not the actual guidelines in the book. I thoroughly believe that any wild incidents you hear about concerning Ezzo-following came from this mentality, at the root.
That said, it is also true that not all methods are created equal. With one preschooler, one two-year old, one baby, and one forthcoming child in the house now, my husband and I have found that a philosophy which leans a little more towards where the Ezzo's are coming from produces better results than the philosophy that the Sears' or even the AAP endorses, especially by late toddlerhood. The tendency for child-centered parenting to go awry by the two-year old stage - for the parent OR the two-year old! - is noticeable. And the time demands on a parent (or two) practicing this way is almost impossible if you work or your children's ages are close together.
I agree that Babywise could use a little more seasoning of flexibility and lovingkindness in its presentation. It seems to assume that you have already heard all the right ways to parent and is therefore coming from a corrective position rather than an objectively inexperienced one. However, the basic principles are presented clearly and that is the purpose of the book. I found that the principles worked especially well with my first son who cried a lot, had reflux, and could have been considered "a difficult baby." The advice was not so necessary for my next two sons who were easier babies in the eating/sleeping area (and had a more experienced mom!). For more warmth and depth, I'd recommend Tracy Hogg's "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" which combines the best of the Babywise advice along with some humor and nuanced examples of how to apply this stuff.
Or, on the philosophy end, you can try The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson for a vision of motherhood as a whole and then try to apply the Babywise advice in that context. After all, parenting (even infants) is not just about helping them to eat and sleep right... although it certainly feels like that for the first couple months.
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