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How to Win Friends & Influence People (Mass Market Paperback) (Paperback)
by Dale Carnegie
| Category:
Personal improvement, Personal effectiveness, Success, Self help |
| Market price: ¥ 108.00
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¥ 98.00
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| MSL Pointer Review:
Timeless, life-changing and most valuable advice on life skills. Recommended to everyone as a guide to live with. |
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Author: Dale Carnegie
Publisher: Pocket; Reissue edition
Pub. in: February, 1990
ISBN: 0671723650
Pages: 304
Measurements: 6.8 x 4.2 x 0.8 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00045
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- Awards & Credential -
A classic first published in 1937, this all-time bestseller has sold more than 15 million copies. It ranks #127 in books on Amazon.com as of December 13, 2006. |
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- MSL Picks -
This classic book by Dale Carnegie was originally written back in 1937. You might ask yourself, "how could a book from the 30s possibly help me with my current modern problems?" This is probably the same question asked by the other 15 million plus people who have bought the book. The answer is simple. This book is NOT about how to run your business, how to choose a cell phone or laptop. It is about interpersonal dynamics. It is about how to talk to that employee of yours in order to get them to perform well. It is about how to discuss issues with the person you are selling to, in order to get them to agree to the sale. If you read historical books, you'll find that humans had the exact same emotions back in the days of the Greeks and Romans - love, envy, jealousy, self pity, pride, hope. It is these basic human needs you need to understand. Once you do, your daily business problems become MUCH easier.
There are a ton of thoughts in this book that are clearly important. Dale will first explain the issue, and then often will give a real life example of how handling the issue properly helped a real person in a real world situation. It really helps to make the image stick in your mind. None of these are complex, algebraic formulas. They are all straightforward, simple tasks - but once you practice and master them, they can make a huge difference in how others interact with you.
For example, if you have an employee or contractor that simply isn't doing their job properly, you have many options available to you. You can scold them or hound them. Those of us in business who have tried this approach find that it rarely works, especially in the long term. Dale explains what techniques DO work - and work reliably - in these situations. It's a matter of expanding your roster of options, so that when you hit a problem, you have a group of ideas to work with in order to solve it.
If I were to have a criticism about this book, it would be that everything is portrayed as being "solvable". It is put forward as if one of these solutions to a given problem will surely work. In the real world, that just isn't true. You could hit a cranky employee who already is looking for another job and who could honestly not care less about fixing his current job's problems. I really wish there was a section of the book that helped you know when it was just time to cut your losses. That being said, for the other 99% of the issues you face in your daily work life, this book is truly invaluable. (From quoting Lisa Shea, USA)
Target readers:
General readers
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Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) almost single-handedly created the self-help genre with his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
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You can go after the job you want...and get it! You can take the job you have...and improve it! You can take any situation you're in...and make it work for you!
For over 50 years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.
Now this phenomenal book has been revised and updated to help readers achieve their maximum potential in the complex and competitive 90s!
Learn:
- The six ways to make people like you
- The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking
- The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment
And much much more.
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THE BIG SECRET OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Remember, there is no other way.
Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs. You can make your employees give you corporation-until your back is turned-by threatening to fire them. You can make a child do what you want it to do by a whip or a threat. But these crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you want you want.
What do you want?
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two movies: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
John Dewey, one of American's most profound philosophers, phrased it a bit differently. Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is "the desire to be important." Remember that phase: "the desire to be important." It is significant. You are going to hear a lot about it in this book.
What do you want? Not many things, but the few things that you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied. Some of the things most people want include:
1. Health and the preservation of life
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things money will buy
5. Life in the hereafter
6. Sexual gratification
7. The well-being of our children
8. A feeling of importance
Almost all these wants are usually gratified-all except one. But there is one longing - almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep-which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls "desire to be important."
Lincoln once began a letter saying: "Everybody likes a compliment." William James said:"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." He didn't speak, mind you, of the "wish" or the "desire" or the "longing" to be appreciated.
Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in palm of his or her hand and "even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies."
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals. To illustrate: When I was a farm boy out in Missouri, my father bred fine Duroc-Jersey hogs and pedigreed white-faced cattle at country fairs and livestock shows throughout the Middle West. We won first prizes by the score. My father pinned his blue ribbons on a sheet of white muslin, and when friends or visitors came to the house, he would get out the long sheet of muslin. He would hold one end and I would hold the other while he exhibited the blue ribbons
The hogs didn't care about the ribbons they had won. But Father did. These prizes gave him a feeling of importance.
If our ancestors hadn't had this flaming urge for a feeling of importance, civilization would have been impossible. Without it, we should have been just about like animals.
It was this desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk to study some law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household plunder that he had bought for fifty cents. You have probably heard of this grocery clerk. His name was Lincoln.
It was this desire for a feeling of importance that inspired Dickens to write his immortal novels. This desire inspired Sir Christopher Wren to design his symphonies in stone. This desire made Rockefeller amass millions that he never spent! And this same desire made the richest family in your town build a house far for its requirements.
This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.
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| View all 12 comments |
Joan Price (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks. |
Emil Schuffhausen (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
Some cynics might suggest that the world has changed too much since the 1930s for this book to still be relevant. Certainly, we live in a faster-paced, harder-edged time. But human nature hasn't really changed much in thousands of years. Many of the basic truths Carnegie offers concerning human interaction are still valid.
Truth be told, a little "old-fashioned" courtesy, consideration, diligence, honesty, trustworthiness, neatness, and fairness are not just "Gomer Pyle" values, but values that would be a breath of fresh air in most corporate offices. These values - rooted out of a sincere desire to successfully serve others - will also catapult the practitioner to a level of success and prosperity. Not to mention the satisfaction and joy of a job well-done.
Working with people successfully is a skill - it can be taught and mastered. In every office or work situation, we will encounter difficult or uncooperative people. (And even good people have bad days.) Carnegie's principles can help you not only win an argument, but win a person. In other words, not just the short-term fix of bullying, but the long-term fix of friendship and teamwork.
Even if you disagree with some of the conclusions of the book, or with what I've written here, you owe it to yourself to read this book simply because of the amazing impact that it has made since its publication. I'm betting you won't be sorry for the time you invest in reading it. |
Sarah Crane (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
I can't begin to express how much good this book would do if we would all apply its principles. This book isn't the kabbala or cryptic writings understood only by mystics or specialists. (I'm in no way disparaging codified language or writings that give way to multiple, and often contradictory, interpretations 0 that type of writing has its time and place. This book, however, does not use that mode for its inspiration.) This book is enlightenment for the masses. How to Win Friends and Influence Others is straightforward, written clearly in easy-to-understand language.
I'm preaching to the choir when I say that I certainly have violated many of this book's principles time and time again b/f I knew any better. For example, I blush to think of the times I have preferred to talk endlessly about my own concerns, problems, and interests without reciprocating the skill of attentive listening to my friends and acquaintances. And who among us couldn't stand to cultivate better conflict-resolution skills or experience some personal growth? I like that Dale shared with his readers times when he got it all wrong and how he learned from his mistakes. This admission makes it easier for the rest of us to acknowledge when we got it all wrong. Dale's book suggests ways to subtly and diplomatically inspire cooperation and a change of attitude without (unwittingly) stirring up resentment and putting the other person on the defensive. Dale warned about the dangers of our need to be in the right and to prove to others that they are in the wrong. Mother Teresa likewise counseled, "Don't worry about being right. Just be kind." (Dale regretted that once upon a time he considered writing a book about argumentation - he later believed avoiding conflict and refraining from criticism are better options, and when conflict and criticism can't be avoided, there are guidelines and courtesies to follow that will help the other person feel less threatened and more receptive to your point of view.)
This book exhorts us to treat others kindly while acknowledging their importance. I think that Dale couldn't have been more on the money when he stated that all of us have an intense need to feel important, and it's how we go about feeling important that makes all the difference.
One of my favorite moments in the book is when Dale quoted a French writer who said, "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime."
This book has certainly enlightened me about the fine art of interpersonal intelligence. I aspire to consistently put these theories and principles into practice. |
Meg (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-27 00:00>
Let me just say that as an 18 year old girl, when I was first introduced to this book, I thought it was a joke. My mom told me that it had been her favorite book when she was my age. I started laughing hysterically. "Your favorite book was some stupid self-help book? That bore? You have to be kidding me" I said. I couldn't help but think my mom must have been a loser.
But for some reason or another- I must have been pretty bored- I decided to give the book a try. I figured I would read the first page, immediately find it horrible and put it down. But from the minute I started reading the book, I knew it was no normal self-help book. I was enraptured! Dale Carnegie didn't just explain human thought and ambition truly; he also did it with fascinating anecdotes and historical stories that I just ate up.
When I started telling my friends about it, they were pretty skeptical as well. I was so in love with the book that I would try to explain my favorite lessons to anyone that would listen.
They became pretty interested as well, and I hope to buy each of them this book as a graduation gift.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a book that is so wonderful because it really does contain amazing advice and insight into human behavior- helping one deal better not only with other people, but also helping one understand themselves and the human mind better.
What a great book! It will always be a favorite and I would suggest it to everyone under the sun!
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