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He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (精装)
by Greg Behrendt , Liz Tuccillo
| Category:
Relationship, Dating, Self help |
| Market price: ¥ 248.00
MSL price:
¥ 218.00
[ Shop incentives ]
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A book you have to read if you are female, single, in a relationship, or even married. |
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AllReviews |
1 2   | Total 2 pages 18 items |
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Angela Burton (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book guides women to saving time, avoiding heartache, and creating a space for the right man to come into their lives. The overall emphasis is on the fact that women traditionally rationalize men's behavior and spend years of their lives with a man who doesn't really love them totally. It's like having a big brother who takes you step by step into the world of guys. There is no blame, there is no guilt, it’s "just the way it is." This book tells you not to waste your time with men who say the right words, but don't make the right moves. It is the END of mixed messages. Read this book, it will save you YEARS of time spent with the wrong man. It truly is the best wake up call ever. |
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Thomas Hooker (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
It certainly doesn't rule them all out. There are the types that are clearly wrong, but you can't put a finger on why. Also, she emphasizes in this and her other book (the Daily manual) that men who are interested will let nothing stop them, etcetera (including in the way of sex). There are two problems with this, it invites into your door those men who seem confident and give off a "nice" exterior but the type that your parents and siblings don't trust, it also keeps away the more shy types that try to pursue as well as they can but have either confidence issues or are getting mixed messages. In fact, two of the most offensive parts in the Daily manual were the statements "you should never call a date." Bringing to my next point, sometimes the thing that is letting stop the guy is YOU. When guys who have been burned this way before run up against this, they at worst back off, or at best try to continue to see you, but they can't get past the friends stage until you start taking initiative and showing some interest that might show up on the radar. Besides, if people keep claiming that women are liberated (I still think they have a bit to go) they have the right to call a date with any man (or other woman) they please.
On the other hand, I gave this book 3 stars and not two or less, as many of the excuses were as she said. She also struck the mark for normal guys under most normal situations. But she missed for shy and/or effeminate guys like me. However, I'd only give a five if she made a version for guys called She's Just Not That into You. Guys are much more insecure about this thing, though they tend to mask it with bravado. |
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Dennis Littrell (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This is a super-slick book-biz hustle aimed at the eternal wallflower at the dance of life. Written by Greg Behrendt (your eternal big brother) and (love's labors always lost) Liz Tuccillo of TV's Sex and the City," "he's just not that into you" is just the sort of book that Miss Lonely Hearts can curl up with on a Saturday night with a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (ah, I wish I could) instead of the usual Harlequin romance. I mean YOU are worth it!
This sort of pandering by Greg and Liz to the unlucky-in-love who find Sex and the City the highlight of their wretched (but ever hopeful) lives is nothing short of Huckster Street smarmy with a purpose - the purpose being to separate YOU (who deserve love and happiness) from your hard-earned money, which is deserved by Greg and Liz because they are just so darn clever and pander so shrewdly to the susceptible reader - which makes me think that before working on Sex and the City they wrote TV commercials for diet foods or hair shampoo, or whatever the commercial is that insists, "YOU are worth it!"
The deeper problem with this book is that the women who "write" the letters to Greg are not real women but ideas of women from Greg's imagination. Sure they were based on people he knows and he probably even quoted a line or two from some of them verbatim, but they are not real people. And their equally fictional men are all very much alike in that they have only a phony sensitivity for women and really only care primarily about their own desires and fulfillment - and note that they, too, are products of Greg's mind. Some men will tell you the truth about how they feel.
A second problem is that his facile answers of what to do (usually, dump the loser) are too simplistic and don't allow for the compromises that characterize all human relationships, especially those that lead to successful marriages. No one is perfect, and people really do need to be forgiven, and they need a chance to grow. Most of the (fictional) women in the book are in their twenties and thirties, a time of real social and emotional growth by both men and women, and so it is not always wise to give up on a relationship. People do get to the point where they are not likely to change much, but usually that takes place later in life. I am not, repeat NOT, excusing some of the behavior of the men described by Greg's "women." There is never any excuse for abuse or neglect. I am only saying that if a guy misses a call or forgets your birthday, yes, he is not Wonderful in All Things, but remember few of us are.
As for Liz Tuccillo, who writes the "Why this is hard" rebuttals to Greg's pronouncements, I think she too needs to understand that love is a two-way street, a case of give and take. She's had trouble holding onto the kind of male she finds attractive. She's 41, still single, still dating, and it could be said, still looking for Mr Goodshaft, whom she finds all the time.
You want to know why? Because she's masochistic? Maybe. Because she's possibly neurotic and married to her work? Maybe. Whatever the reason, she needs to develop a realistic appreciation of actual men, not just those she imagines are alpha males. Maybe she needs to find some short, balding guy that still lives with his mother and make him happy. Maybe she needs to be kind to omega males, and keep searching through the all too depressing heap of omega males until she finds one that isn't half bad. Omega males need love too. And it could be said that "not half bad" is appropriate if you're 41-years-old, never been married and have a "been-dumped" rap sheet as long as the closing credits to a Hollywood epic, and especially if you are the type of person who thinks just because you are successful at work, you are a great catch.
Greg's point seems to be that most guys are jerks and Liz's experience seems to prove it. But what they're missing is the ecology and economics of the old dating game. You get what you're worth. You knew that in high school. Top jock scores with prom queen, NOT unsocial geek who picks his nose in public gets to bed down the head of cheer. (And by the way, these stereotypes are not necessarily the ideals that we should be looking for in mates. The king and queen of the hop in later life sometimes find sadly that they reached their peak in high school.) And if all you are getting are a bunch of losers, guess what? YOU are the loser. And maybe you need to work on upgrading your own personality and make yourself someone who has a lot to offer. Or at least alter your taste in males.
I've got some advice: Give the garage mechanic a bath. Flirt with the nerdy bank clerk. Tell the fry cook he looks cute when the sweat runs down his nose. Take a course at the local junior college in some kind of class that might be filled with MEN, home repairs or electrical wiring or basic construction, not women's issues or dance aerobics for fatties.
Regardless of how good Greg and Liz are with the one-liners (and they are good) you can get better relationship advice elsewhere than in this cutesy, narrowly-conceived book. There's a whole shelf at the library of books written by people with some real experience in human psychology who really do "understand guys."
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Kiffer (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
I'm just getting back into the single life after being married for 14 years. Back in my single years, I broke all of the rules and made many excuses for guys I'd date - ended up heartbroken. This book has really opened my eyes. Every time I feel myself slipping back into the old self-destructive mode, I go back and read this book. It gives me strength to know that I'm much better than I've been treated and also the strength not to put up with some of the nonsense out there. Please buy this book, if you want to know how men think and not give them excuses. It WILL make you stronger and smarter! |
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Henderson (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book is great, girls! Read it! It's really about self-esteem. It's about loving yourself enough to recognize Mr. Wrong and stop wasting time with him. This book is really empowering and has helped me realize that I am wonderful woman who deserves to be with someone who's really into me. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This was a very eye-opening book. The authors say what you need to hear and definitely tell it like it is. I enjoyed the book so much and wish it were longer. Women everywhere can identify with the different scenarios they discuss. It will save you a lot of time that you'd normally waste on guys that don't really like you all that much. Trust me: all women NEED to read this! Totally worth it! |
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Andrea Wood (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book helped me very much. I just didn't get the way men thought. I would think well, this guy seems to really like me and since he's not making any further moves, it must be because he's shy, so I'll call him and let him know I'm interested in seeing him. (That's one scenario.) The few times I asked my father for advice, he would tell me to forget the guys, they sounded like players or commitmentphobes but I didn't understand why. Now I do. He's Just Not That Into You reads like a book of guide lines. It's very logical. It shows you which men's behavior shows that they are crazy about you or not into you. That way you can close the book on the ones who don't appreciate your specialness, and consider only the guys who do. 'Cause you want to be in a relationship with someone who is crazy about you, right? It will save you a lot of time, as well as dignity. (By the way, the guy I called - that was two or three years ago - just finally emailed me a couple of weeks ago. I didn't reply.) The book is also short, quick, funny and enjoyable to read. |
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Emily (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
Other reviewers have said the book is just common sense that you should know...which it is, but when your blinded by the emotions and justifications, what you know is rational in your head just doesn't seem to click without that second voice backing it up as the truth. This is what this book is. It's what you know, don't want to believe and don't want to hear, but NEED to hear to move on.
It's also been said that it's repetitive...which it is, but I found that really helpful. I needed that message driven home again and again because I was afraid if I didn't keep hearing it, I would forget it, make more excuses and fall back into the hole again.
I never thought I would let myself fall into such a crappy situation where I wasn't happy and really wasn't being true to what I deserve. I wish I had read it earlier because I plan hopefully to never get into a position where it's all give on my part. And personally, I'm glad I don't have to make the first move. It makes that guy work a little harder (because do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have the guts to ask you out?) and the relationships where I have asked the guy out, don't end up. They always seem to take it for granted that they didn't make the first move. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
This book is a God-send! Don't think too much ladies... the answer is just staring you in the face - he is Truly Just Not That Into You! Actions speak louder than words... how they act is them showing you Who They Are. Don't argue with that reality either! You can't change them and moving on means facing reality. No, it doesn't mean you don't hurt or grieve, or love this person like nothing else, etc it simply means you accept what is even though it isn't what you want. Don’t Make It Mean Something About You - there is a distinction between examining what patterns are in the way of your relationship success and disconnecting from them versus knowing it wasn't the right match for what you are seeking relationship-wise. No more analysis-paralysis, wondering what if, dabbling in regret, when a man really wants to be with a woman, He Shows Up At Your Door With Flowers! Besides, just because he is just not that into you, doesn't mean YOU can't be into you. Be your best friend (cliché) and never need a man to affirm you again. The best affirmation is within. |
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Pam Owell (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
It's painful when a woman likes a man and he doesn't return the feelings. I think the authors realize this, but some day someone needs to write a book when it's the other way around. Sometimes a man likes a woman who doesn't return the favor. Do we ever see any books about that subject? When guys who have been burned this way before run up against this, they at worst back off, or at best try to continue to see you, In fact, there were some guys who probably thought I was not into THEM! |
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1 2 | Total 2 pages 18 items |
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