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1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (平装)
by Thomas W. Phelan
| Category:
Parenting, Discipline |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
MSL price:
¥ 158.00
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| Stock:
In Stock |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
A popular therapist's recommendation on disciplinary approaches, Tom Phelan's now well known system promises to be easy and effective for most parents. |
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AllReviews |
1 2   | Total 2 pages 12 items |
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D. (L.A. Parent Magazine) (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
If your child has begun to rule the roost a bit more than you'd like, this book provides a system to get your family operating smoothly. Especially sensible is Phelan's theory that children shouldn't be argued with endlessly to convince them to do what you want them to do. He also wisely points out the best way to get your child to repeat unwanted behavior is to have a highly emotional reaction to it. The plan is simple, and though it's not quite magic, it may feel like it is. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book helped me get behavioral compliance from my children in record time. It took less than a week for them to learn the system, and, two and a half years later, when I count my kids (9, 7, 4) STILL cease and desist.
Sometimes I also use the approach (Ask, Act, Attend, and Amend) outlined in "Time-In" by Jean Illsley Clarke to enhance my children's thinking skills and their ability to reflect on their behavior and consequences, AFTER I get compliance from them with 1-2-3. While I don't use the "Time-In" book verbatim, I still like its emphasis on teaching kids to think and internalize WHY good behavior is important, particularly as children get older. "Time-In" is a quick read, too, at 71 pages.
However, I still highly recommend this book for solving most disciplinary problems for young children.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
While I can't dispute the effectiveness of this (see my 3 year-old react when I say "three"!), it's almost too simplistic: the author tries to imply that nearly every behavior can be corrected by doing a 1-2-3 method. While that works well in a lot of situations, he doesn't tell you what to do when the child is in Target, screaming blood-curdling yells, in the middle of the store floor. And you can't pick up a kid in this condition (to drag them to a time-out location, for instance), when they purposely stiffen their bodies so they slip out of your grip. And let me tell you, "1-2-3" does NOT effect a kid in full-on hellion mode, whether a timeout is being threatened or losing a toy, fun trip somewhere, or whatever. So a little help about "what to do when X happens," would've been good (I don't expect him to anticipate the million situations you can be in, but every parent experiences the full-on tantrum where nothing works).
Other than that, it really does work quite a bit. He's right in the idea that you can't talk during the discipline (though I learned to explain what my daughter was doing wrong and what I wanted her to do before we got to 1-2-3). And tag-teaming by both parents is really critical in having this work its full effect. I just wish he'd have given more on "here's what you do in this situation" rather than introducing what some pediatricians call "bribery" (he pays his kids 25 cents per so many minutes to be quiet in the car on road trips - sounds good on tape, til you realize that yep, you're bribing your kids - something I do quite a bit HA, but something the child psych doctors complain about).
Definitely worth the investment, though, for controlling at least half of the problems you might have with discipline. And it's presented in an enjoyable, pleasant format that makes you forget you're listening to a self-help tape (I listened to them all within a few days while running errands). Lastly, you'll feel better learning that every other parent out there has the same problems and challenges in child rearing that you have. Good buy.
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Clara Vaughn (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
The concept this book taught us of disciplining without emotion was a true awakening for us. We were always getting louder with more threats and longer time-outs... none of which were working to stop the misbehavior and we were becoming more and more frustrated as parents. This book helped us get the cooperation from our kids that we had not been able to achieve before we read this book. The tone in our home has become calmer and we have had more "fun" time with our children. For our toddler we also found The Pocket Parent to be an even more helpful guide as it is exclusively written for parents of 2's, 3's, 4's & 5's in quick bullets of advice for addressing challenging behaviors.
These to books have changed our daily communication with our children for the better. Wonderful positive discipline guidance. |
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B. Shepherd (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
I found out about this book through a community Ed preschool program. A few of the parents at the class have successfully used the methods described in the book. So I picked it up at the library. I found the techniques in this book a refreshing break from all the parenting books that require you to use umpteen techniques in order to teach your children to behave. The directions in this book are clear, easy to understand, easy to remember and easily applied to children in any given situation. I will definitely add the things that I learned from this book into my parenting routine. So if you want to be able to parent in a positive manner without resorting to spanking, yelling, and threats. Then I recommend you try some of the things in this book. P.S. "Spare the rod spoil the child", actually means that if you don't teach your children gospel principles then they have a chance of going astray. It is not intended to give parents the right to beat, ummm sorry, "spank" their children every time their children do something wrong!
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J. R. Williams (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book is a God-send for anyone with children elementary - middle school age. As a teacher, I found it incredibly helpful to create and maintain a level of classroom discipline and structure that the little ones so desperately need in order to have the most fun without feeling like they're "in trouble" all the time. And if you're worried about not remembering who has how many strikes, don't worry = they rat each other out! It's a wonderful way for you as a parent (or a teacher) to form a stronger bond with your child / children, to make them understand action + consequences, and to strengthen a loving relationship where the arms are still open after their "time out" or whatever the suitable punishment is. It's very easy to master as it's based on a concept you and they can relate to = 3 strikes, you're out! Within a few days, you won't even get to 3 strikes, you'll realize the behavior changes by 1 or 2! Amazing! |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
I'm a mom of three boys. I bought this book after hearing great praise about it. Let's just say I wish I would of heard about this book years ago. I could not wait to start this method in my house, and it has been great. Every day was stressed, for both myself and the kids because of the yelling, nagging, and pleading. Now nobody is stressed. I am so happy that I got this book and have started using it. I was going to give it to my cousin to use but I have decided to keep it and just buy her a copy. My youngest whom is not old enough for the 1-2-3 method, will grow up knowing what it is and that it has an effect. I am telling everyone about this book. I agree with the other review that, this book should be given out at the hospital. Every parent should atleast know about this book. I hope every parent reads this book. Its the best one I have found and it works!!
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
My husband and I found most of the strategies in 1, 2, 3 Magic to make sense as well as work on our children. What we learned most is that it is not only what you say to your children that is important, it is HOW you choose to say it that will get you the compliance you are after. When you count to 3 it must be in a calm voice, with eye contact with the child and the child will get it. If you are yelling and demanding compliance, we learned from this book that you are modeling for your child that YOU are out of control! The author's techniques of how to get your children to STOP bad behavior (like fighting, bad words,lying, whining) and START good behavior (like using manners, good homework habits, cleaning up etc) have worked for our 8 year old very well. For our 3 year old we also like another book called The Pocket Parent. It is of a similar philosophy as far as teaching the importance of HOW you talk to your children and focuses only on behaviors of the 2, 3, 4, and 5 year old. Both books are easy to read and peppered with humor which helps us keep trying to become more confident and competent parents.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This technique really works and FAST! I am starting to figure out the different behaviors my daughter exhibits. Although I love to see her independence, sometimes she is a little too strong willed. This book totally turned my home around in just two days! Once again my 2 year old daughter knows who is "the boss" in our home. I am excited about the changes, because eventhough the first couple of timeouts broke my heart, they have totally paid off. I was fearful that my daughter would resent me for "disciplining" her, but instead it seems it has actually brought us closer, instead of yelling we converted our energy into hugs and laughs, plus instead of getting into everything she shouldn't she has found her bookshelf and toybox again! She has started bringing me books to read to her when I am on the phone, rather than emptying the pantry in 30 seconds flat!. It is amazing how such a simple philosophy and a lot of consistency can pay off in such a short time. It is true that even two year olds are smart enough to manipulate and know when to push buttons, but 1-2-3 Magic has taught me that you need to be a parent first and a friend second. My daughter and I are much happier since I read this book just two days ago! I can not tell you how many people I have already told about 1-2-3 Magic and the "magical" results you achieve in such a short time!
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Dennis Littrell (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Part of what makes Phelan's now very well known system work is that, whether one is cooking rice or disciplining children, it's essential to have a method, the simpler the better. All effective methods rely first and foremost on how they guide us away from reactive and emotionally-based behaviors and keep us on the proper path. Note well that Phelan's method requires the parent to understand that "Too Much Talking" and "Too Much Emotion" by the parent will lead to failure. Understanding why this is so is the key to understanding why Phelan's method is so effective.
Usually parents get caught in the trap of explaining or justifying their prerogative. This can be done once: clearly I am the adult, and not only is it my responsibility to guide your development, but, because I have been where you are and understand your situation - mainly frustration at not getting what you want - it is I, not you, who are in a position to make the right decisions. Period. Indeed, this doesn't even have to be said once. Children understand, with or without realizing it, that Mom and Dad know better than they do.
So any sort of "talk" is not only superfluous but may obscure what has happened, namely that the child has done something wrong and the parent wants it stopped. Furthermore, if you talk, the child talks and the lesson is diluted.
Even worse is for the parent to get emotional about disciplining the child. It's your job, do it and don't get worked up about it because discipline is just a technique in the larger socialization process. If you allow yourself to become emotional, you muddy up the waters and detract from the business at hand.
Phelan's 1-2-3 Magic technique works and is easy to learn and implement. If you are an ineffective disciplinarian, this book will literally change your life. My daughter and son-in-law use this method and I can tell you without it they would be foundering about, and their ability to guide my grandsons would be weakened. Never forget however that what children respond to is fairness, even-handedness, and the love that is implicit in a sincere desire to help them become fully realized human beings. Or, as Phelan succinctly puts it: "...children respond because they know Mom or Dad means business." (p. 50)
Just a quick word on this "meaning business." If you say "that's two and a half" and "that's two and three-quarters," you are NOT getting down to business. You are demonstrating that you aren't sure yourself that you are right while proving that you are unreliable. Phelan warns against this all too common parental trap.
Note too that there is no corporal punishment involved in Phelan's method. In today's world of the "professional parent" (as I like to dub my daughter and son-in-law) it is axiomatic that one does not hit or slap a child. But why? Of course violent behavior only begets violent behavior, but more than that, not hitting protects the parent from going too far. Hitting leads to more hitting. But if one never hits to begin with there is no danger of escalation. Only foolish and lazy parents hit their children. Phelan's method is an extension of this wise understanding.
The devil is in the details of parenting, you say? Yes, and in this very well written (the phrase "clear as a bell" definitely applies), you will get the details of how the method is applied in many situations and circumstances. Wondering how to put the child in "time out" at the supermarket? Phelan goes into that. What about the difference between "stop that!" and "do that"? It's one thing to get a child to stop doing something wrong. It's quite another to get the child to actually do something that needs to be done, like clean her room or do her homework. Phelan explains the difference between these two problems and how to deal with them.
Here's a another question: should the child have to apologize for what he did? Phelan warns that "many apologies are really exercises in hypocrisy." (p. 54) The child is forced to apologize for hitting his sister, but he really feels that the apology is just part of the punishment. She hit him first and she deserved it. The fine points of the murky psychology of retaliation must wait for the older child to emerge. Right now, you just stop the hitting, period.
Finally, what to do in public? Phelan devotes an entire chapter to that, and basically he says you have to bite the bullet and realize that the future character of your child is more important than any embarrassment you may experience from "counting" your child in public. Once you let the child know that being in public is no different than being at home, the child will behave. However if you let it be known that you are "vulnerable" when you're out in public, the child will immediately take advantage. Children love to test. They need to test. That's how they figure out their world.
Part of the reason this book is so polished and Phelan's methods so precise is that "over the many years of developing" his program parents have taught him how to handle tricky situations so that he now has it all covered. Also clear is Phelan's understanding of children and their needs, and the obvious affection he has for them. As he says (after you have initially explained that you are going to begin using the 1-2-3 counting method): "Expect the kids to sit there and look at you like you've just gone off your rocker." (p. 68)
Bottom line here is: if you are not aware of Phelan's very effective technique, do yourself and your children a favor and get this book.
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