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1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (Paperback)
by Thomas W. Phelan
| Category:
Parenting, Discipline |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
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¥ 158.00
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| MSL Pointer Review:
A popular therapist's recommendation on disciplinary approaches, Tom Phelan's now well known system promises to be easy and effective for most parents. |
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Author: Thomas W. Phelan
Publisher: Parentmagic, Inc.; 3rd edition
Pub. in: October, 2003
ISBN: 1889140163
Pages: 224
Measurements: 9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00621
Other information: ISBN-13: 978-1889140162
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- Awards & Credential -
A bestseller now in its 3rd edition with more than 650,000 copies sold. It ranks #337 in books on Amazon.com out of millions as of January 14, 2007. |
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- MSL Picks -
Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an expert on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He is a registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist and is also the author of many helpful parenting books. In this amazing book, he presents three steps to change the negative behavior and reinforce positive behavior in the future. The Index provides you with a way to quickly find the most pertinent subject you are dealing with right now.
The Contents include:
Straight Thinking - A section about how to stop negative behavior and start good behavior. He also presents the two biggest discipline mistakes.
Controlling Obnoxious Behavior - What to do when negative behavior occurs in public. How to handle tantrums and pouting.
No Child Will Thank You - Deals with serious offenses and the six kinds of testing and manipulation.
Encouraging Good Behavior - 7 Start Behavior Tactics, Cleaning Rooms, Mealtimes, Homework, The Family Meeting.
Strengthening Your Relationship - Your Child's Self-Esteem, Overparenting, Affection and Praise, Active listening.
I was amused by the information on "parental temper tantrums." I've seen parents yell at their kids and seen children reel from the verbal abuse. Then I've seen parents lovingly talk to a child about their behavior. Guess which works? How would you want to be treated? If frustration has reached the level where parents are yelling and kids are crying their eyes out daily, something must not be working. This book provides excellent advice and a three-step solution to every problem. Phelan has an interesting take on spankings and he makes an excellent point or two on page 53. He suggests that parents avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit routine.
There is a "how to use this book" section and there are times when psychological evaluation and counseling may be in order.
The 1-2-3 techniques to end arguing are just brilliant. Although, I've seen a parent count 1, 2, 3, and a child is just ignoring the routine. It seems there has to be a negative result that is consistently imposed, like a time out. Some children might enjoy a time out, so that is also a factor to consider. I loved spending time in my room. Hey, there were books there! I also remember sitting in the bathroom and screaming: "You will not spank me, I did nothing wrong." I was actually telling the truth and I remember all the times I was punished when I didn't do anything wrong but was accused by the actual perpetrator.
Parents have to be pretty aware of their children's character to sort out these types of problems. I grew up in the "you did something wrong, you get spanked" no other choices world. Often I would have liked to have been given a second chance or had a conversation about the event. I remember my absolute horror when a child was spanked in my presence when I was a child. I feel that spanking can be abuse when it is used incorrectly. Often it does seem to be a result of frustration and I do have to say that I've seen parents use different "calm" methods and they seem to have better results. And what is the whole "Here, hug me because I love you, no matter that I just spanked the heck out of you routine?" I was only happy my brother got spanked once. When he violently poked me with a large pin. LOL I haven't let him forget that I remember that.
So, what if?
Your child won't stay in the time-out room...
Your kids go nuts when you are on the phone...
A child wrecks the time-out room...
Your child doesn't want to apologize...
Ahh, and then onto the lovely topic of "sibling rivalry, tantrums and pouting." Then onto badgering, tempers and threats. What do you do if your child says they are running away from home? What if a child attacks a parent?
This book also gives parents information about Oppositional Defiance and Conduct Disorder. There is also a list of major, medium and minor consequences. Just because a child is on the phone after a time they shouldn't be doesn't mean you should ground them for a month. Maybe a fine or chores would work. The problem can then be solved in a day and the child can start to practice more positive behavior.
I think these techniques also work on adults when having an argument or when one person is being unreasonable. One of my friends just told me that you deserve what you put up with. So, I think that moving in a positive direction is always in order. There are ways to stand up for yourself without violence. This book teaches you all the techniques that have worked for parents and I can recommend this book to teachers, all parents, grandparents, babysitters and anyone who is looking after children or knows a child. So, this book is for everyone!
I'd almost go as far as to say this would make a wonderful baby shower gift!
(From quoting Rebecca Johnson, USA)
Target readers:
Parents, teachers, preschool professionals, care givers, babysitters, parenting and family consultants and those giving gifts to parents.
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Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with more than 25 years of experience working with children and families. He is the author of All About Attention Deficit Disorder, Surviving Your Adolescents, Self-Esteem Revolutions in Children, Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder, and "I Never Get Anything," the winner of the 2002 NAPPA Parenting Resources Gold Award. He lives in Glen Ellyn, Illinois.
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From Publisher
Addressing the task of disciplining children ages 2 through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking, this program offers easy-to-follow steps to immediately manage troublesome behavior with reason, patience, and compassion. Parents and teachers learn how to encourage and respect children's growing independence with 10 strategies for building self-esteem. Also discussed are the three most important qualities for parents or teachers to exhibit in order to foster competence in kids. Tips are included on how to prevent homework arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start doing their household chores. This award-winning program discusses the importance of establishing and maintaining a home or classroom with fair and consistent discipline. This revised edition includes suggestions on how to avoid over-parenting, build children's social skills, and apply the program within mental health agencies and classrooms.
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| View all 12 comments |
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D. (L.A. Parent Magazine) (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
If your child has begun to rule the roost a bit more than you'd like, this book provides a system to get your family operating smoothly. Especially sensible is Phelan's theory that children shouldn't be argued with endlessly to convince them to do what you want them to do. He also wisely points out the best way to get your child to repeat unwanted behavior is to have a highly emotional reaction to it. The plan is simple, and though it's not quite magic, it may feel like it is. |
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book helped me get behavioral compliance from my children in record time. It took less than a week for them to learn the system, and, two and a half years later, when I count my kids (9, 7, 4) STILL cease and desist.
Sometimes I also use the approach (Ask, Act, Attend, and Amend) outlined in "Time-In" by Jean Illsley Clarke to enhance my children's thinking skills and their ability to reflect on their behavior and consequences, AFTER I get compliance from them with 1-2-3. While I don't use the "Time-In" book verbatim, I still like its emphasis on teaching kids to think and internalize WHY good behavior is important, particularly as children get older. "Time-In" is a quick read, too, at 71 pages.
However, I still highly recommend this book for solving most disciplinary problems for young children.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
While I can't dispute the effectiveness of this (see my 3 year-old react when I say "three"!), it's almost too simplistic: the author tries to imply that nearly every behavior can be corrected by doing a 1-2-3 method. While that works well in a lot of situations, he doesn't tell you what to do when the child is in Target, screaming blood-curdling yells, in the middle of the store floor. And you can't pick up a kid in this condition (to drag them to a time-out location, for instance), when they purposely stiffen their bodies so they slip out of your grip. And let me tell you, "1-2-3" does NOT effect a kid in full-on hellion mode, whether a timeout is being threatened or losing a toy, fun trip somewhere, or whatever. So a little help about "what to do when X happens," would've been good (I don't expect him to anticipate the million situations you can be in, but every parent experiences the full-on tantrum where nothing works).
Other than that, it really does work quite a bit. He's right in the idea that you can't talk during the discipline (though I learned to explain what my daughter was doing wrong and what I wanted her to do before we got to 1-2-3). And tag-teaming by both parents is really critical in having this work its full effect. I just wish he'd have given more on "here's what you do in this situation" rather than introducing what some pediatricians call "bribery" (he pays his kids 25 cents per so many minutes to be quiet in the car on road trips - sounds good on tape, til you realize that yep, you're bribing your kids - something I do quite a bit HA, but something the child psych doctors complain about).
Definitely worth the investment, though, for controlling at least half of the problems you might have with discipline. And it's presented in an enjoyable, pleasant format that makes you forget you're listening to a self-help tape (I listened to them all within a few days while running errands). Lastly, you'll feel better learning that every other parent out there has the same problems and challenges in child rearing that you have. Good buy.
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Clara Vaughn (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
The concept this book taught us of disciplining without emotion was a true awakening for us. We were always getting louder with more threats and longer time-outs... none of which were working to stop the misbehavior and we were becoming more and more frustrated as parents. This book helped us get the cooperation from our kids that we had not been able to achieve before we read this book. The tone in our home has become calmer and we have had more "fun" time with our children. For our toddler we also found The Pocket Parent to be an even more helpful guide as it is exclusively written for parents of 2's, 3's, 4's & 5's in quick bullets of advice for addressing challenging behaviors.
These to books have changed our daily communication with our children for the better. Wonderful positive discipline guidance. |
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