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Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime (平装)
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
| Category:
Disciplinary approach, Parenting |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
Based on the Emotional Intelligence theory of Daniel Goleman, this practical book is a prescription to peace and a lifetime relationship between parents and kids. |
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AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 8 items |
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William B. Carey, M.D. (Director of behavioral pediatrics, The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has written another excellent book for parents, this one about the seemingly inevitable power struggles between parents and their children. She provides wise, practical, and clear suggestions on how to avoid these conflicts and manage them better, chiefly by understanding the emotions that are fueling them. If only we all had this book a generation ago! |
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Stella Chess, M.D. (Prof. of child psychiatry, New York University Medical School), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles is a helpful addition to the parenting literature and a delight to read. Kurcinka's vivid descriptions bring to light common conflicts, but her primary lesson is that power struggles give parents an opportunity to teach their children better ways of expressing frustration, anger, jealousy, and other emotions. Kurcinka also helps us recognize the role that temperament, both our own and out child's, plays in family life - and that continued success depends on respecting our differences. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book is the type that you don't want to put down once you start reading it. I am learning so much about temperament and personality types, my own and my kids, and learning to understand that each difficult power struggle is an opportunity to TEACH your kids about how they can respond or react to their feelings and to learn about themselves. Since I've started reading this book, I have noticed a significant change in my reaction to them when my kids have a melt down, which is hard to prevent after a long day at school, or my reaction when they make a mess. Instead of yelling I try to express my self and TEACH them. I think this book should be read by every parent, because I know I never learned about temperament when I was growing up, and I have a doctorate. I will tell my husband to read it and also my parents, since they interact with my kids as well. If it's hard to listen to your kids, because they test you all the time (which it was for me), this gives you a new perspective and gives you a purpose in which to approach each power struggle. Enjoy!
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Although I found Kurcinka's first parenting book very helpful because of its child-friendly, logical approach to bettering your child's behavior (even though my son is not a "spirited" child) this one is much, much better. I love that she starts by positing the question, what sort of relationship do you want with your child when he's a teenager? Because if you want connection and trust instead of disconnection and distrust to be the defining qualities of that relationship, those authoritarian "do as I say not as I do", "I'm the parent so you WILL obey me" approaches are only effective in the short term. Kurcinka's is a much more sensible, reasonable, and compassionate approach, but be forewarned, it takes time, patience, consistency, and creativity.
Also, a big bonus for those of us with children who have sensory issues is that between her first and second books Kurcinka learned about sensory issues and sensory integration dysfunction. She only devotes three pages to it, but she explains it well. Moreover, this time around her advice to parents with kids who have this neurological problem isn't off-base, it's dead on. A child stressed by SI issues needs some of his stressors and pressures lessened or he will just be overwhelmed and unable to behave well. She talks the importance of sensory diet activities, which of course is crucial if you want your SID child to be able to behave well. Brava to Ms. Kurcinka for a fantastic guide to discipline!
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Diva (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This well-written book is a fine, worthy follow up to the very useful Raising Your Spirited Child. The author uses the work of Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence to help parents learn to avoid power struggles with their children. The author advocates the need for parents to both ddevelop their own emotional intelligence and to help their children develop this qualities.
Part one gives a good, if not detailed enough, overview of what emotional intelligence is and why it's important. She could've referenced a bit more research here; it does exist. Parts Two and Four look at how parents can connect with their children to be "emotion coaches" for them. Part Two is about building a better relationship with your child. Part Four is is focused on life skills. I really enjoyed these sections of the book, although they, too, could've been more detailed. That said Kurcinka is gearing this book to a general audience and probably didn't want to get bogged down in alot of theory and research. That's actually a good thing - the book is not at all dry. It's readable and I think parents will be able to relate to the examples she uses. She uses alot of real life case examples from her own practice.
I didn't find Part 3 to be as useful as the rest of the book, because it was all about temperment. This material was covered in detail in her previous book, which I've read. Everything about it was pretty much a carbon copy of the original book "Raising Your Strong Willed Child." For those who haven't read that book, the information is very useful, and I think necessary, but for me it was repetitive. She could've shortened or deleted this section of the book and given more exercises, activities, and overall detail in the other three parts.
Overall, this is a very useful book for anyone who wants to learn to lessen conflict and power struggles with children. It's geared more toward children under 12, but the materials can also be applied to teens. Highly reccommended.
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Wendy Bittel (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book has really helped me learn better methods of dealing with and understanding my 3 year old son. The book provides some questionaires that help you identify strong parts of a child's temperment and then supplies strategies for dealing with those temperments. They work too! It really helped me take a step back from what was becoming a very negative, constantly yelling, stressful relationship and move towards making it positive and enjoyable. The ideas discussed are not about new ways to punish but methods to use to teach your child self discipline and stress management. It also keyed me in to differences in personality that were starting to be points of contention in our relationship. I would recommend this book to anyone who would like to build a more positive relationship with their child.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
This book has more descriptions, information and tips that "resonate" with me than any other book I've read. You'll find yourself thinking "Yes! That's EXACTLY what MY child says (or does)!" Then Mary helps you see the reaction you're likely to get with each potential response... based on your child's temperament (most books overlook the fact that a statement or action that calms one child can enrage one with a different temperament).
My favorite sections are the tips about temperaments (especially teaching children and parents how to say or do things differently to avoid upsetting others) and helping children change their "bulldozing statements" (often button-pushing ones for parents, such as "You're not my boss!" or "Shut up!") into statements that persuade others to listen ("I'd like a choice" or "I didn't like what you said").
Have you read a lot of books and wonder if you'll really learn something new in this one? Absolutely. With two spirited children of my own, I've enjoyed the following (plus many others), but now recommend Kids, Parents, & Power Struggles instead: Parenting with Love & Logic; Raising your Spirited Child (an excellent supplement); How to Behave so Your Children Will Too; Magic 1-2-3; Setting Limits; How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and others. |
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-14 00:00>
Based on Daniel Goleman's book, Emotional Intelligence, and the author's own research in her practice, this book's basic premise is that conflicts in families can be resolved by understanding, recongnizing, and dealing with emotions effectively. Since these are skills wanting in many of us, the author suggests we teach our children and ourselves at the same time. Good advice.
Carefully, patiently, she leads us through the basics: empathy, self calming, recongnizing feelings, listening, recognizing different temperaments and personality styles. Then she gives us the tools for coaching our children to become more effective in handling their feelings: to recognize them, name them, express them and seek a satisfactory resolution without being destructive to others.
Nothing here is so revolutionary, but the approach of thinking about your child's difficult behavior as a cry for help in dealing with underlying emotions is incredibly helpful. Once you have tuned into this idea, it short-circuits your tendency to react to such behavior with knee-jerk, authoritarian stuff you are reading these books to avoid. You end up working with your child, not against him, and isn't that the point?
Different parenting books work for different people. This might be the one for you.
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1 Total 1 pages 8 items |
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