|
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (Mass Market Paperback) (平装)
by Manuel J. Smith
| Category:
Business, Communication, Self-control, Relationship |
| Market price: ¥ 108.00
MSL price:
¥ 98.00
[ Shop incentives ]
|
| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
The book offers many practical hints in developing your assertive skills with friends, family, and business associates. |
| If you want us to help you with the right titles you're looking for, or to make reading recommendations based on your needs, please contact our consultants. |
|
| |
AllReviews |
1 Total 1 pages 7 items |
|
|
L. L Teuling (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
I haven't checked the date when this book first came out, but I know it was over 25 years ago. And yet, it is still up to date and just as helpful as when I read it the first time.
Dr. Manuel Smith approaches assertiveness in a behavioral way, basing it on the Assertive Bill of Rights - what each person can claim as his/her internal rights. He lists ten of these. Then he lists seven verbal techniques we can use to interact effectively with other people - with special emphasis on dealing with people who try to get us to do things we don't want to do or to quit doing things we like to do.
This is not a book about controlling other people - it's about self control. If we read it carefully and thoroughly process what it says, we also find that it has nothing to do with agression. It also doesn't "guarantee" that we'll always get what we want, but it does emphasize that we can often better the odds of either getting what we want or working out a compromise. And Dr. Smith points out that using the assertive verbal techniques in a sarcastic way is counter productive.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that it also helps deal with potential nasty social situations -- having your clothing, lifestyle or other personal matters insulted at parties (they're supposed to be FUN?)or other gatherings. As a somewhat sensitive person, I wish I could have read this book as a teenager.
But, it's never too late!
|
|
|
Jan Peczkis (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
This book goes far beyond theoretical principles on how to be more assertive. It gives numerous sample dialogues which reflect everyday situations. One practical method is the use of fogging. You implicitly agree with the critic in order to simultaneously deflect the criticism without resorting to hostility. In this book, you learn how to be assertive in relatively impersonal situations (such as dealing with a persistent salesman) as well as closer ones (such as negotiating with an employer, or conversing with a dissatisfied spouse). A teacher can learn, using this book, how to cope with students who try to manipulate her into changing their grades on an "unfair" test.
|
|
|
Beth Cholette (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and this is the number one book on assertiveness that I recommend to my clients. Dr. Smith begins by describing "Your 10 Assertive Rights," a reminder that we all have a right do such human things as say "I don't know" and change our minds. He then introduces various assertiveness strategies one by one, starting with the very basic skill of persistence (AKA the "broken record" technique). For each strategy, Dr. Smith presents a short dialogue vignette to help you better understand how to apply that technique to real life. Once he has thoroughly taught all of the individual techniques, Dr. Smith puts them all together and addresses assertiveness in different types of situations-ie, with your family members versus with your boss. This is a great book for anyone who is tired of not being able to say "no" and ready to learn how to change their behavior.
|
|
|
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
This book had a tremendous impact on my life when I read it the first time in 1982. I was in a abusive relationship and my self esteem was at it's lowest. This book showed my how to take control of my life and decisions once again and how to maintain that control.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels that someone else has taken over complete control over your life and situation, or to the person who wants to learn how to stop letting people taking advantage of them. I have lost my orginal well worn copy and will be getting a new one. It has been passed around to friends who wanted to know what I did to make my life so much better.
|
|
|
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!
|
|
|
Philip Hamilton (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
While based on solid theory, this book teaches practical skills that you can use immediately. You'll find yourself comfortably using some techniques well before you even finish the book.
This book impressed me when I first read it 25 years ago. And it has stood the test of time: I felt amazed at how much more useful the techniques seemed when I reread it recently.
A couple of points deserve emphasis:
1. In addition to teaching you how to say "no" without feeling guilty, the author masterfully teaches you simple, powerful techniques for keeping your cool while you're under attack.
2. This book plays an important role in the set of cognitive, emotive, and behavioral skills taught by psychologists such as Albert Ellis and David Burns. While books such as "A New Guide to Rational Living" (Ellis) and "The Feeling Good Handbook" (Burns) contain tools that address a far wider range of problems, Smith's methods work far more rapidly, easily, and consistently for the challenges that this book addresses.
I strongly recommend this book for anyone wanting to quickly and easily learn to (i) say "no" without feeling guilty and/or (ii) react coolly to attacks by others.
|
|
|
Stephan Branczyk (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
This is the best self-help book I have ever read. The title may or may not apply to you, but nevertheless, the insights contained within can be valuable and practical to just about anyone.
This book explains assertiveness and manipulation in opposition of each other. It explains manipulation as the act of indirectly asking for what you want by making others feel guilty. And it explains assertiveness as the act of firmly asking for what you want without feeling guilty and without making others feel guilty.
It gives examples of transcripts throughout the book. And the main technique is so simple ("fogging" and refusing the implied guilt) - it's been very easy to apply in real life.
|
|
|
|
1 Total 1 pages 7 items |
|
|
|
|
|
|
