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When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (Mass Market Paperback) (Paperback)
by Manuel J. Smith
| Category:
Business, Communication, Self-control, Relationship |
| Market price: ¥ 108.00
MSL price:
¥ 98.00
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| Stock:
Pre-order item, lead time 3-7 weeks upon payment [ COD term does not apply to pre-order items ] |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
The book offers many practical hints in developing your assertive skills with friends, family, and business associates. |
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Author: Manuel J. Smith
Publisher: Bantam
Pub. in: January, 1985
ISBN: 0553263900
Pages: 352
Measurements: 6.7 x 4.2 x 1.1 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00923
Other information: Reissue edition
ISBN-13: 978-0553263909
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- Awards & Credential -
Bestseller on Assertiveness Training. |
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- MSL Picks -
This book will effectively teach you how to cope with criticism, deal with manipulative people, and be more persistent in every day interactions so you can really get across what you want.
You should keep in mind that the goal here is not getting your way. The goal is to effectively communicate your needs directly. Some of the techniques are a bit harsh, and while they may work well on salespeople and customer service, you should not directly apply those to your spouse. But the book does have a section on coping with manipulation from a close relative, and how you need to soften your technique a bit, because so many more feelings are involved. Not only does the book teach you assertiveness, but it gives you the skills needed to help others become more assertive so they don't manipulate you as easily and as often as they would normally. This is particularly helpful with close relationships (siblings, spouse, parents, etc.).
If you feel you're being walked on or your needs aren't being met by the people around you, you need this book. Add it to your collection and you'll learn a lot about yourself and about people in general.
Target readers:
General readers
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Clinical-experimental psychologist Manuel J. Smith is the author of When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, which has sold over two million copies. A therapist in private practice and assistant clinical professor of psychology at UCLA, Dr. Smith has done research in social psychology, learning, phobic states, psychophysiology and sexual functioning. His work has appeared in various professional publications including The Journal of Experimental Psychology, Psychology Report, Current Research in Human Sexuality, and Experimental Methods and Instrumentation in Psychology. He is a member of The American Psychological Association, The Society of Psychophysiological Research, The Western Psychological Association and the California State Psychology Association, and has lectured widely in his field. Born in Brooklyn, New York, in 1934, Dr. Smith received both his B.A. (1959) and M.S. (1960) degrees from San Diego State College, and his Ph.D. from the University of California at Los Angeles (1966). He and his wife live in Los Angeles.
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The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!" Are you letting your kids get away with murder? Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you? Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism? Are you having trouble coping with people? Learn the answers in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way.
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| View all 7 comments |
L. L Teuling (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
I haven't checked the date when this book first came out, but I know it was over 25 years ago. And yet, it is still up to date and just as helpful as when I read it the first time.
Dr. Manuel Smith approaches assertiveness in a behavioral way, basing it on the Assertive Bill of Rights - what each person can claim as his/her internal rights. He lists ten of these. Then he lists seven verbal techniques we can use to interact effectively with other people - with special emphasis on dealing with people who try to get us to do things we don't want to do or to quit doing things we like to do.
This is not a book about controlling other people - it's about self control. If we read it carefully and thoroughly process what it says, we also find that it has nothing to do with agression. It also doesn't "guarantee" that we'll always get what we want, but it does emphasize that we can often better the odds of either getting what we want or working out a compromise. And Dr. Smith points out that using the assertive verbal techniques in a sarcastic way is counter productive.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that it also helps deal with potential nasty social situations -- having your clothing, lifestyle or other personal matters insulted at parties (they're supposed to be FUN?)or other gatherings. As a somewhat sensitive person, I wish I could have read this book as a teenager.
But, it's never too late!
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Jan Peczkis (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
This book goes far beyond theoretical principles on how to be more assertive. It gives numerous sample dialogues which reflect everyday situations. One practical method is the use of fogging. You implicitly agree with the critic in order to simultaneously deflect the criticism without resorting to hostility. In this book, you learn how to be assertive in relatively impersonal situations (such as dealing with a persistent salesman) as well as closer ones (such as negotiating with an employer, or conversing with a dissatisfied spouse). A teacher can learn, using this book, how to cope with students who try to manipulate her into changing their grades on an "unfair" test.
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Beth Cholette (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
I am a psychologist working in a college counseling center, and this is the number one book on assertiveness that I recommend to my clients. Dr. Smith begins by describing "Your 10 Assertive Rights," a reminder that we all have a right do such human things as say "I don't know" and change our minds. He then introduces various assertiveness strategies one by one, starting with the very basic skill of persistence (AKA the "broken record" technique). For each strategy, Dr. Smith presents a short dialogue vignette to help you better understand how to apply that technique to real life. Once he has thoroughly taught all of the individual techniques, Dr. Smith puts them all together and addresses assertiveness in different types of situations-ie, with your family members versus with your boss. This is a great book for anyone who is tired of not being able to say "no" and ready to learn how to change their behavior.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-06-21 00:00>
This book had a tremendous impact on my life when I read it the first time in 1982. I was in a abusive relationship and my self esteem was at it's lowest. This book showed my how to take control of my life and decisions once again and how to maintain that control.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels that someone else has taken over complete control over your life and situation, or to the person who wants to learn how to stop letting people taking advantage of them. I have lost my orginal well worn copy and will be getting a new one. It has been passed around to friends who wanted to know what I did to make my life so much better.
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