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Relationship Rescue (Paperback)
by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.
| Category:
Relationship, Self improvement, Self help |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
MSL price:
¥ 158.00
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MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
This upbeating bestselling book challenges you to re-think your perception of marriage, what to expect out of yourself, your partner and what it really means to be married. |
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Author: Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.
Publisher: Hyperion
Pub. in: September, 2001
ISBN: 078688598X
Pages: 272
Measurements: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00501
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- Awards & Credential -
The #1 New York Times Bestseller |
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- MSL Picks -
Dr. Phil McGraw, whose first book, Life Strategies, was a #1 New York Times national bestseller, now turns his expertise to the primary area of concern troubling most people: their relationships. In his tell-it-like-it-is style that already has had an impact on millions of viewers of The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil blows the whistle on the rhetoric of traditional "couples therapy." Instead he tells you at the very beginning that no matter what state your relationship is in, not only are you responsible for it, you are responsible for rescuing it. McGraw explodes the ten most popular myths about good relationships and provides a series of fascinating exercises that allow for a step-by-step process for you to reconnect with your partner. This is a transformative book that not only will put you back on track with your partner, but you'll know that you are back on track with yourself.
According to McGraw, the first relationship to rescue is the one we have with ourselves. Unless and until that is achieved, our relationships with others will probably remain (to varying degrees) dysfunctional. To paraphrase Thoreau, many of those involved in relationships of various kinds feel trapped in "lives of quiet desperation." Approximately half of all marriages end in divorce. Perhaps as many as 70% of all corporate mergers fail. It is probably impossible to determine how many once close friendships deteriorate or end acrimoniously. How many of these relationships could have been rescued? Presumably those who purchase McGraw's books feel a need to improve their effectiveness as human beings. In this volume, he suggests a rigorous seven-step strategy for "reconnecting" with ourselves as well as with others.
1. Analyze the relationship: What happened? What's wrong? What's missing?
2. Assume personal responsibility; eliminate consideration of "blame, "guilt,"
etc.
3. Also eliminate all negative ("wrong") thoughts
4. "Embrace" relationship realties ("truths")
5. Understand and then apply the "Formula for Success" he offers
6. With total honesty, "renegotiate" the terms and conditions of each relationship
7. Then commit to sustaining mutual love and respect in harmony
In First, Break All the Rules, Buckingham and Coffman discuss what could be characterized as "business tough love." They insist (and I wholly agree) that if a supervisor sincerely cares about the welfare of those for whom she or he is responsible, it is imperative to be totally honest with each of them, especially when there are unpleasant issues to resolve. Long ago, my own experience in the business world convinced me that constructive criticism has credibility only when those who offer it are respected and trusted by those who receive it. Moreover, constructive criticism is most effective only when those who receive it are convinced that those who offer it sincerely care about them.
McGraw presupposes that those who implement the seven-step strategy do so in good faith. In terms of the relationship with his reader, he obviously sees his function as providing no-nonsense guidance and (yes) encourage- ment throughout the difficult process if implementation. It is indeed a very difficult process because the most powerful of human emotions are active in dysfunctional relationships, notably love and, of course, pain. McGraw's credibility with readers has much less to do with his credentials and celebrity status, I believe, than with the fact that he speaks with a candor that is credible because it is so rare. He cares deeply about helping people to face and then cope with unpleasant realities, challenging them to have the courage to trust what is admirable within them and nourish it with total honesty in the most important relationship of all: with themselves.
Because so many of McGraw's ideas in this book are compellingly relevant to relationships in business, I hope he will write a book for those in the workplace and especially for those with supervisory responsibilities. It would be a mistake to distinguish between dysfunctional personal and dysfunctional professional relationships. The causes of the former are certain to be virtually the same for the latter. But to repeat the thought with which I began this review, "the first relationship to rescue is the one we have with ourselves. Unless and until that is achieved, our relationships with others will probably remain (to varying degrees) dysfunctional." The choice is ours. It always has been and always will be.
(From quoting Publisher and Robert Morris, USA)
Target readers:
General readers
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Dr. Phillip C. McGraw is the person Oprah credits with helping her win the Amarillo beef trial. He is a trial scientist with over fifteen years' experience in the psycho-legal system. Having earned a Ph.D. degree in Behavioral Sciences, Dr. McGraw relies upon a broad base of academic and applied experiences in predicting, measuring and utilizing the value systems and decision-making patterns and processes of contemporary juries. As President of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., Dr. McGraw leads a litigation consulting firm comprised of experts from the fields of psychology, law, biomedicine, medicine, engineering, business, computer sciences, communication, economics and finance. Dr. McGraw has also trained thousands of people in effective life skills seminars, principally communications and relational management. He also conducts Texas and American Bar Association approved continuing education courses for lawyers (MCLE) in the area of trial science, particularly the forecasting and influence of civil trial verdicts.
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From the Publisher:
After successfully helping hundreds of thousands of people take responsibility for their own actions, Dr. Phil McGraw now turns his expertise to the primary area of concern troubling most people: their relationships. In his tell-it-like-it-is style that already has influenced millions of Oprah viewers, Dr. Phil blows the whistle on the rhetoric of traditional couples therapy and instead tells you thatno matter what state your relationship is innot only are you responsible for it, you are responsible for getting it back on track. By doing this, he offers readers the chance for further happiness through meaningful, fulfilling relationships that work.
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| View all 13 comments |
An American reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
We are a group of five college seniors from Villanova University who have spent a semester researching and reviewing best selling self-help books on the subject of relationships. We evaluated five texts after reviewing academic literature specifically on the topics of: commitment, trust, conflict, verbal communication, & intimacy. In order to make you a more informed consumer, we hope to provide you with an educated insider view of Relationship Rescue by Dr Phillip C. McGraw.
McGraw's intent is to "rescue" relationships, and get partners to reconnect by first evaluating their individual selves. He challenges readers to address the truths about themselves, and get in touch with their core of consciousness. When the individual can recognize his or her inner strength, and eliminate "bad spirits," he or she has the power to lift the partner, and get the most out of the relationship. While there are partner exercises in the end, this book for the most part is geared toward the individual. McGraw provides a "7-step process for reconnecting with one's partner", which included a series of personal inventories, journal entries, and self-evaluation. By performing these activities, and engaging in a 14-day process of self-disclosure and relationship evaluation with one's partner, one will grow toward a better relationship.
In our evaluation of five major topics, we found the following in Relationship Rescue:
Commitment - In the chapter entitled, "Reconnecting with Your Partner," McGraw addresses the personal dedication component of commitment found in academic research. This basically says that commitment includes the individual's desire to improve the relationship. He also stressed the importance of physical activity in finding commitment.
Trust - While McGraw did not address trust directly, there are some connections to be made to ideas presented in academic research. It seems to be generally understood that the disposition of the individual greatly effects trust, and an overall personal deceptive nature will negatively affect the relationship. McGraw's goal is to get the individual to remove these negative feelings. Also, a great deal of the book revolves around self-disclosure, which is imperative to developing trust. However, this all depends on how the individual approaches the exercises in the book.
Conflict - In regards to this topic, McGraw touches on the idea that conflict is inevitable. We found this to be an overwhelming theme in research conducted on the topic. Conflict can be constructive if it is done properly, and partners remain in control. He gives rules for "fighting with your partner" which focused on the environment (physical and mental) that the disagreement is taking place in. He also focused on managing one's differences, because there are some that cannot be fixed, and therefore must be embraced.
Verbal Communication Skills- McGraw makes it clear that this is not a book that addresses communication theories. Therefore, it was not his intention to lay out specific communication skills. Instead, he focuses on inner attitudes. While a great deal of the exercises involve partner communication, McGraw does not address the verbal skills necessary for effective communication.
Intimacy - In this book, McGraw affirms the idea found in research that positive regard in the sense of acceptance and confirmation is necessary within a relationship. He also points out that the presence of affection does not make a difference in the relationship unless it is communicated to the partner. McGraw motivates the reader to do, and not just say what he or she feels to achieve intimacy. In regards to intimacy, the emphasis on self-disclosure throughout the book supported what we found in our research as well. In general, McGraw promotes individual behaviors that lead to love and increase intimacy.
Relationship Rescue is best for the topic of Intimacy. |
An American reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
I was having a world of problems in my marriage and I did not know where to look. After being inspired by some of the things Dr. Phil says on TV, I decided to read this book. Boy am I glad I did! Dr. Phil has this ability to take it right to you and this is what I needed at the time. His words punched right through my walls of denial and forced me to make a real objective re-evaluation of myself and my relationship. It did wonders for me. After having this rejuvenating experience, I decided to explore and learn more about relationships and personal development. I have now found a more advanced book on relationships and personal development that is absolutely excellent! It is called The Ever-Transcending Spirit by Toru Sato. It is more theoretical but an excellent read if you are one of those people who "gets it!" It has taken me one step closer to inner peace and happiness. |
An American reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
I'd recommend this book to people who are married, but better yet to those who are thinking of getting married. I wish I had this book BEFORE I got married because it would have allowed me to see some important things. God definitely directed me to this book. It's down to earth, cut to the chase therapy. Phil doesn't give you any sob stories or foolish psychological jargons. The book makes you look at you. We tend to point our fingers at the other person so much, that many times we forget to look at ourselves. The book makes you TOTALLY examine yourself till about three-fourths through the book...then you begin to focus on the other person. That's where healing really begins.
Don't share this book with your partner in the beginning. I know my husband didn't want anything to do with the book. He hates books like this. Little did he know, it was because of the book that made me heal and change. Phil even talks about how begin to talk about what you learned to your partner.
Don't waste your money on hours of marriage couseling... this book is all you need. The self-assessment tests that are included are awesome. I saw things I never thought about. I am not a reader, but I couldn't put this book down. If your relatioship is empty or has lost it's spark or has fallen on hard ground...this is the book to bring life back if both of you really want it. |
Robin (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-09 00:00>
This was the best book I ever read on relationships. Whether you are in a bad relationship or good one, this book gives you insight into your own defects as a partner. It also helps you define your assets as well. I bought this book when I got engaged and it really did help me learn about me and what I value in relationships. It is a must read if you seriously want to be a better partner and have a good relationship! Dr. Phil never disappoints! |
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