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Boundaries (Paperback)
by Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
| Category:
Relationship |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
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¥ 158.00
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| MSL Pointer Review:
Excellent relationship self-help guide for men & women of all ages. Highly recommended for those who have difficulty saying "no" to others. |
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Author: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition
Pub. in: April, 2004
ISBN: 0310247454
Pages: 304
Measurements: 8.4 x 5.6 x 0.8 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00608
Other information: ISBN-13: 978-0310247456
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- Awards & Credential -
Winner of the Gold Medallion Award, an all-time bestseller with more than 1.5 million copies sold. It ranks #446 in books on Amazon.com as of January 10, 2007. |
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- MSL Picks -
Since its release in 1992, Boundaries - the definitive book on healthy human relations by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend - has consistently appeared on the best-seller lists.
Outlines all aspects of setting boundaries, the most important factor in successful marriages and parenting. This book has life-changing ability. The concept of it being our responsibility to protect our soul by protecting our boundaries is the most powerful concept. Seting limits on others and ourself then becomes our stewardship of our own lives, souls, and love for others. Weakened boundaries allows for damage and destruction of that which we hold most dear.
This book is an excellent guide for peace and contentment.
Target readers:
Men & women of all ages and of all beliefs.
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Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and cohost, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California.
Their best-selling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries.
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From Publisher
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances - Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions - Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others - Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator - Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
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Laying the Foundation
Each Boundaries Kit Contains
- Boundaries - In this longtime best-seller, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based guidelines for setting healthy boundaries with our parents, spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and even ourselves.
- Boundaries Video - This nine-part video features the wisdom and insight of Drs. Cloud and Townsend, popular speakers and experts in the integration of Scripture and psychology. Interspersed are helpful real-life vignettes of people struggling to establish and live by godly boundaries.
- Boundaries Leader’s Guide - This comprehensive, user-friendly guide provides all the information you need to lead your group through the nine sessions of this course.
- Boundaries Participant’s Guide - This guide provides valuable notes and practical exercises (small group discussion starters, independent Bible studies, "Boundary Building" questions, etc.) that will help individuals apply to their own life the principles they learn.
Additional kits and copies of the Participant’s Guide are available from:
Zondervan Publishing House
5300 Patterson Avenue SE
Grand Rapids, MI 49530
Phone 1 – 800 – 727 – 3480
How This Leader’s Guide Is Organized
The Boundaries course is divided into nine sessions ranging in length from 45 - 50 minutes. This guide walks you through each session to help you prepare. You will also rely on this guide during the sessions, when you’ll find the pages reprinted from the Participant’s Guide very helpful.
For each session, the leader will need:
Leader’s Guide
Bible
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Video player, monitor, stand, extension cord, etc.
Videotape
For each session, the participants will need:
Participant’s Guide
Bible
Pen or pencil
You may want to encourage your participants to purchase a copy (or have copies available for them to purchase) of Boundaries and the Boundaries Workbook, both by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Each session includes the following parts:
Before You Lead
Key Points is a list of the session’s main ideas.
The Synopsis is a more detailed overview of the session’s main points.
Recommended Reading encourages you to read the corresponding chapter(s) of Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend’s book Boundaries in preparation for each session.
Introduction
The Introduction includes calling the class together, welcoming them, opening in prayer, and a short overview of the session’s main points to guide the participant.
Discovery
The bulk of the session material is found on the left-hand page of the Leader’s Guide. You may want to read the material word for word, or you might prefer to highlight the key words and phrases. Get to know the participants and let them get to know you a little. Make your teaching personal.
On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant’s Guide page(s). There is also space on these right-hand pages for you to write in any additional planning notes. Having the corresponding Participant’s Guide page in front of you allows you to view the page the participants are seeing as you talk without having to hold two books at the same time. It also lets you know where the participants are in their book when someone asks a question.
The Discovery section also includes the following key typographical elements:
1. The instructor narrative is shown in standard typeface.
2. Directions to the instructor are shown in a contrasting typeface and enclosed in a shaded box. These directions are not meant to be spoken by the instructor.
Participant’s Guide page 13.
3. Occasionally you’ll find statements which you should read verbatim. These statements (set off with a special bullet Ú) correlate to statements also included in the Participant’s Guide. Words shown in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS are words the participants need to fill in the blanks found on the corresponding pages in their Participant’s Guide.
As Boundaries help us distinguish our property so that we can TAKE CARE OF IT - and we are responsible for taking care of it.
Each of the sessions has at least one corresponding Video Segment. The video portion of the session will provide a springboard for class discussion and activities.
Exercises in the session will be done either alone (“On Your Own”), in small groups (“Let’s Talk”), or with the group as a whole. Directions are included for each exercise. (These directions are also included in the Participant’s Guide.) Accompanying various exercises are “Boundary Building” questions for the participants to go back to after the session, for further examination and reflection.
Summary
Each session closes with a brief review and a prayer.
A Note About Timing
Depending on your particular setting, you can lengthen or shorten each session to accommodate your specific needs. Be aware that discussion times may run longer or shorter than what you plan. Try to have an alternate plan for each session: know where you can cut time or add an additional discussion question or two.
Five Tips for Leading Group Discussion
1. Allow group members to participate at their own comfort level. Not everyone needs to answer every question.
2. Ask questions with interest and warmth and then listen carefully to individual responses. Remember: No answer is insignificant. Encourage and affirm each person’s participation.
3. Be flexible: Reword questions if necessary. Take the liberty of adding or deleting questions to accommodate the needs of your group members.
4. Allow for (and expect) differences of opinion and experience.
5. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF SILENCE! Allow people time to think - don’t panic! Sometimes ten seconds of silence seems like an eternity. Some of this material is difficult to process. Allow people time to digest the question and then respond.
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| View all 11 comments |
Vera Lee (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
This book is not about protecting yourself from suffering for the gospel. It is not about being selfish and refusing to give. It does not attempt to reverse Jesus' statement that he who tries to find his life will lose it, but he who loses it for His sake will find it.
Instead, Cloud and Townsend speak to an area of self-development that has been largely neglected in Evangelical Christianity, that of appropriate, godly boundaries in relationships. If you have healthy boundaries, then you can more easily determine when a situation warrants the breaking of one or more boundaries in order to minister to someone else. If your boundaries are too rigid and don't allow for appropriate love and bonding, then you can't give freely. On the other hand, if your boundaries are too loose and you don't know when to say no, you are likely to be worn out and resentful, and so also unable to love freely from your heart.
The authors make much of the verse in 2 Corinthians 9:7, which says that each man should give what he has decided to give in his own heart, and no one should give under compulsion. Although the context here is giving money or material goods, the principle is clearly applicable to other kinds of giving. Each person must decide in his own heart, as a part of stewardship, what he can give in a particlar situation in light of his own circumstances. Prayer and guidance from the Holy Spirit should be part of such decisions, but the verse clearly says that it is each person's responsibilty to make this decision.
This book offers a good foundation for learning to exercise this kind of stewardship over the life God has given each one us. Learning to implement changes along these lines would be a lot easier in a fellowship of healthy, committed believers who are also attempting to live out these ideas, but even if that is not your situation, this book will help you get started.
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A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
Saying we should not set boundaries is saying that we should not be human. Traffic lights are boundaries. Laws are boundaries. Work hours are boundaries. Marriages are boundaries. Bounced checks are boundaries. Prisons are boundaries. Locked car doors are boundaries. Those reviewers who argue against setting boundaries are themselves, most assuredly, setting and respecting boundaries every day of their life. So let's be honest here. Let's not live in ivory tower concepts, twice removed from reality.
None of us is Jesus. If we were Jesus, we would not need Him to begin with. Codependency is Not Christian love. Being a doormat is not spiritual. One cannot expand boundaries if one does not know how to set boundaries to begin with. This book is about learning to do just that. Boundary-setting is about being authentic to your own heart: "I am a child of God, and my feelings do matter here. I am being led to do this, even though it may contradict what you desire me to do." Do people sometimes bristle at the truth? You bet! It's human to want our desires fed, even if it is at another person's expense. It's not pretty; it's human. That's why we need boundaries.
In my experience, failing to set boundaries was a form of people-pleasing, and people-pleasing was a form of unconscious deception and false idol worship. I tried for many years to be a "good girl." That got great reviews. Never mind that I usually did things for other people without checking to see if it was what God was instructing me to do. Instead, my impulse came from selfish reasons, "I'll do this for you. Don't I look good? Now do you approve of me? If you do, then maybe I can approve of myself." What rubbish! My behavior was not motivated by Christ. My behavior was motivated by refined selfishness.
You see, I wasn't interested in you. I was interested in what you could give me: your approval. I was an approval junkie, and I was no more morally superior than a drug addict, no matter how much praise my actions brought me. I was worshipping a false idol - the approval of others over God's direction - and that false god failed me time & time again. Sorry folks. That's not Christian love. No wonder I hurt all the time! God never intended for me to be dishonest and unhappy. God never intended for me to get my worth from man.
Now that I've begun to listen to my heart, I am learning to tell the truth to myself and to others. I am learning to accept my limitations - be humble - and learning to be balanced. The truth does indeed set you free. This process has brought me what I never got from others' approval. It brought me the fruits of the spirit: joy and peace. It has also made my relationships with others more genuine and peaceful. People do approve of me, now, but it's the * real * me. That's how I know that this book teaches principles of truth.
Incidentally, it's wrong to hate people as you are setting boundaries. That's not what this book is proposing. Your intention in setting boundaries does matter here. Setting boundaries in and of itself is not the problem.
In addition to this book, I highly recommend Joyce Meyer's CD set, Approval Addiction, as well as the CD set, The Disease to Please. |
Shane Brewer (MSL quote), Canada
<2007-01-10 00:00>
Boundaries is a great book about learning to say to "no" to people. I am definitely a person who has trouble saying "no" at times so this book was a welcome read for me.
The book starts by explaining the need for boundaries. Essentially the jist of the book is you are responsible for yourself and no one else. Therefore you must take control of your life and your decisions.
This amounts to defining what your responsibility is and what is acceptable for you. Then you need to communicate to other people what is and isn't acceptable and then hold to your ground. Quite often this surprises others who are not used to this. People even begin telling you that you are being unreasonable or too harsh.
This book also tends to focus more on "tough love". The book suggests that if someone is doing something that is unacceptable, you should set out the consequences of the decision, place the decision in the hands of the person, and then stick to your guns. For example, if your spouse is always running late, tell them that if they are late, you are going to leave without them. Then stick to you guns. The authors belive that after a few times of being left behind, they will change their behavior.
I didn't find too many negatives about this book. Some of the reading is a little dry. I would have liked to see a little more organization to the book and a few more examples.
Regardless, Boundaries is a great book to read. If you are looking to take back control of your life and learn when to say "no" to others, this is the book for you. 5 out of 5 stars. |
Mike Taylor (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-10 00:00>
In my humble opinion, Cloud and Townsend have written a helpful book for people who struggle with setting limits on others who try to control them. Certainly many Christians struggle with the uneasy feeling of somehow displeasing God when we set limits on what we will endure with others.
The book covers boundaries in several areas, namely: family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God.
Among the important points covered by the authors include:
1. Definition of boundaries.
2. 10 laws of boundaries we can use to live differently.
3. Common myths of setting boundaries.
4. Excellent notes on 9 work-related problems and using boundaries to address them.
5. Using willpower alone to solve boundary problems is useless - we need God's grace and power working through us.
6. God has His limits and will eventually let go of those who continually reject Him.
7. Types of internal and external resistence to boundaries.
8. 11 steps to consider in our growth and development of boundaries.
Some reviewers criticize the book as pop psychology and I must take issue with them. Yes, I do not agree with all of the authors' points, but many are well taken. For example, the authors clearly state that maintaining your boundaries helps other people (by not enabling them and encouraging their irresponsible behavior) and helps us to love others more (by being true to others instead of consistently being compliant or avoiding conflict with others).
When I read my Bible, I note that even Jesus had boundaries with others - notice that at times He kept a distance from the Pharisees, other religious leaders, and even His own family. Now if the Savior established boundaries, then why shouldn't we?
All in all, I honestly believe this to be a pretty solid book based on many biblical principles. Many verses are quoted in the proper context.
Read, enjoy, and be encouraged to being bold in the Lord and caring less about what others think about you! |
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