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Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child (Paperback)
by Katie Allison Granju
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Parenting, Pregnancy & Childbirth |
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Author: Katie Allison Granju
Publisher: Atria
Pub. in: August, 1999
ISBN: 067102762X
Pages: 336
Measurements: 11.7 x 8.8 x 0.3 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA01132
Other information: ISBN-13: 978-0671027629
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- MSL Picks -
While I was pregnant, I read lots of books on baby and child care. I had heard of "attachment parenting" and it sounded sort of strange to me. A friend with wonderful kids I like a lot recommended this book to me and I read it cover to cover as soon as I brought it home.
Being a nurse, I loved the great medical references backing up all the book's suggestions. Plus, that's really what the author does. She suggests. She never says that there is only one "right" way to do anything. She encourages parents to become informed, get to know their own baby and then parent in the ways that feel right for their family.
She talks about her own chldren and she includes many, many real life examples from other families who talk about how attachment parenting works for them. Basically, the list of chapters serves as a "menu" of potential parenting options. As she says, some people may breastfeed but not sleep with their babies. Some may use a sling *and* a stroller. But if you do choose to nurse past babyhood or sleep with your baby, this book will give you all the info to support and help you with your decision. This would be the perfect book to give a mother in law who keeps bugging you about why you are still nursing or why you don't let the baby cry himself to sleep.
This is a well written, well documented, gentle book. If some other reviewers found it threatening or preachy, it might be their own deeply ingrained prejudices or defenses butting heads with a book that clearly challenges a lot of what we Americans believe to be the gospel truth of child care.
I loved it and highly recommend it.
(From quoting Laura Reivers, USA)
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Katie Allison Granju is a writer whose work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Disney's Family.Com, Microsoft's Underwire, and Salon's very popular "Mothers Who Think" column. She is the mother of three attachment-parented young children.
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From Publisher
Grow a secure attachment with your children by listening to your heart
Popularized by bestselling pediatrician Dr. William Sears, "attachment parenting" encourages mothers and fathers to fully accept their babies' dependency needs. According to the growing numbers of attachment parenting advocates, consistent parental responsiveness to these needs leads to happy and emotionally well-balanced children.
This practical, comprehensive, and first-ever guide to today's most talked-about nurturing style, Attachment Parenting shows how some conventional childrearing advice can be detrimental, and urges you to trust your instincts on such important matters as:
Responding attentively to your baby's cries
Minimizing parent-child separation
Avoiding "sleep training" for infants
Breastfeeding according to your baby's cues instead of a schedule
"Wearing" your baby in a cloth carrier rather than relying on "baby gadgets" such as plastic carriers and carriages.
In addition to expert advice from pediatricians, lactation consultants, and anthropologists - as well as words of wisdom from hundreds of real parents - Attachment Parenting includes an exhaustive list of print, Internet, and support-group resources. It's an indispensable, hands-on reference that allows you to confidently and joyfully develop a secure and loving bond with your young children.
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Chapter One: What Is Attachment Parenting?
"From all we know, every primate baby is designed to be physically attached to someone who will feed, protect and care for it, and teach it about being human - they have been adapted over millions of years to expect nothing less."
- Anthropologist Meredith F. Small, From Our Babies, Ourselves
New parenthood can be pretty overwhelming. Eager to provide the best possible care for the little person you have created, you may find yourself calling your pediatrician's office frequently with questions about how best to interact with your baby. Maybe you have turned to one of the scores of childcare experts whose works crowd the bookshelves, magazine racks, and airwaves in search of information regarding your many parenting concerns. Perhaps you have picked up this book looking for further instructions and step-by-step advice on "what to expect" or how to become "babywise."
If so, you will be disappointed. Why? Because the parenting book you now hold in your hands is fundamentally different from the others you may have seen. It isn't going to tell you exactly how often you should nurse your baby, or how many hours he should sleep each night because we don't know you, your child, or your family. Our philosophy is that you yourself - in partnership with your child - are the real "parenting experts" when it comes to your own family, even if you don't realize it yet. What, then, does this book offer in place of the usual laundry list of parenting "do's and "don'ts"? We are going to introduce you to a wonderfully adaptable parenting style that really works for today's families.
Christened "attachment parenting" by bestselling pediatrician and father of eight, Dr. William Sears, this philosophy embraces gentle, common sensical, cross-cultural, and time-tested parenting practices. While you will likely find that the information in Attachment Parenting is in many ways quite different from much of the childcare guidance you may have read before, you will also discover that it is supported by a growing body of solid scientific research, as well as recommendations by specialists in a wide variety of disciplines related to family life.
"In my view, a healthy family is one in which there is a recognition of needs and, even if they can't all be met, they are acknowledged."
- Rich Buhler
In writing this book, we have listened to hundreds of today's parents from every background and walk of life tell us how and why attachment parenting works for their families. As you read what we have learned from them, you will discover that attachment parenting, so radically different from the conventional parenting wisdom with which many of us were raised (and which still permeates most of today's childcare guidance), offers you the tools to confidently and successfully nurture your child in a highly respectful way that also maximizes your own enjoyment and fulfillment as a parent. We hope that you will read this book with an open mind and the understanding that you can and should adapt the information we will be presenting so that it is most relevant to your life. The ways in which these ideas take root and blossom within your own family is up to you and your child - the parenting experts. Welcome to the growing community of attachment parenting!
Why Is It Called Attachment Parenting?
"There is no such thing as a baby; there is a baby and someone."
- British psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott
This parenting style is called attachment parenting in recognition of both the beauty and the critical importance of a secure attachment between parent and young child. Many of the ideas and practices to which you will be introduced in this book - such as long-term breastfeeding and sleeping with your baby - easily and naturally assist in the development of this crucial love-bond. Numerous studies - as well as common sense and personal experience - tell us that the early relationships that babies and young children form with their parents play a pivotal role in the development of the adults they will later become. The attachment parenting style produces securely attached children, not to mention confidently responsive parents. When mothers and fathers stay physically close to their babies and learn to intuit their unique cues, babies are assured that they are being heard and understood. As a result, they are encouraged to continue trying to communicate with their parents. This delicate give and take teaches your child that she can trust you, and it empowers you in the knowledge that you truly understand her needs. Attachment parenting is a gift you give to your child that will serve her well in all her subsequent relationships.
What's in the Attachment Parenting Toolkit?
Although the precise way in which these concepts work will vary from family to family, the following practices are the core nurturing tools for attachment parents. We will be exploring them in great depth as you make your way through the book, but here is a brief introduction to the "basics" of attachment parenting:
1. Bond with your baby in the early days.
The first hours and days that parents and baby spend together constitute a unique "sensitive period" during which both are exceptionally open to falling in love with one another. A gentle birth, followed by close, relaxed physical contact with your new baby provides the best context in which to get attachment parenting off to a great start. With supportive caregiving for the new mother, you have the ideal setting for a group of individuals to begin the process of becoming a family.
2. Breastfeed your baby.
Breastfeeding is a centerpiece of the attachment parenting style. For starters, it's one of the most important things you can do as a parent to safeguard your child's health. But breastfeeding is about much more than nutrition. In fact, the nursing relationship is like no other in the human experience. For both baby and mother, breastfeeding enhances their interaction with and enjoyment of one another. Attachment parenting encourages "cue-feeding" (sometimes called "breastfeeding on demand"), as opposed to parent-directed scheduled feeding. With cue-feeding, parents trust babies themselves to know when and how much they need to nurse. In addition, many attachment parents breastfeed far past the first year and respect their nursling's own unique timetable for weaning. Throughout the following chapters, you will be introduced to the very best in resources for nursing families - at the bookstore, on the Internet, and in your own community - all from the attachment parenting perspective.
3. Practice responsive caregiving.
Parents who are in close physical contact with their babies and young children and who remain open to their cues find that they are better able to figure out the "how" of parenting. On the other hand, parents who have been convinced that they should let their babies "cry it out" or only nurse for nourishment (as opposed to comfort) can often feel out of sync with their young children. When you allow yourself to get to know your own baby's special cues and routines you will feel more connected and comfortable with him. While it's true that this process of getting in tune with your child comes more easily for some parents than for others, consistently responsive caregiving eases the way for every parent-child pair.
4. Sleep with or very near your baby or young child.
Although "family bedding" is the cultural norm over much of the planet, it has misguidedly become something of a taboo in modern, western parenthood. However, parents who sleep with their babies and young children nestled nearby enjoy both restful nights and enhanced family closeness. Additionally, properly prepared family bedding is safer for babies than being left alone in a crib down the hall.
5. Carry, hold, or "wear" your baby.
In many cultures all over the world, parents believe that it is beneficial to keep their little ones safe and healthy by carrying them close to their own body in some type of soft, cloth carrier. Of course, many other mammals also carry their "velcro babies" close to the warmth of their bodies until their offspring are ready to venture forth on their own. Attachment parents utilize one or more of the various types of modern baby carriers - as a cloth sling frontpack or backpack - in order to "wear" their children. This allows busy parents more freedom to get things done while still offering their little ones the physical closeness that they need. Research has confirmed that carried babies cry less and are more content than others.
6. Respect your child as an individual right from the start.
Although many parents today push their babies and very young children to become "independent" as quickly as possible, attachment parents respect each child's own special timetable for growing out of their early (and healthy) dependency needs. Children who are allowed to enter each new developmental stage as they become ready, as opposed to when parents deem it "time" to wean, sleep through the night, or stay alone without parents, are ultimately more self-confident and independent as older children and adults. You can't force a flower to bloom before it's ready. Trying to do so will only damage the petals.
"Every stage in a child's life is there for a purpose. If we can respect and respond to her needs fully during each stage of her life, she can be done with that stage and move on."
- Naomi Aldort, Family counselor and writer
Attachment Parenting: The Rest of the Story
"...you may be thinking that attachment parenting is all giving, giving, giving. Well, to a certain extent, that is true. Mothers are givers and babies are takers - that is a realistic expectation of a mother-baby relationship. The baby's ability to give back will come later. Better takers usually become better givers." |
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| View all 10 comments |
Amazon.com, USA
<2008-01-08 00:00>
"Attachment to and dependency on parents... is a normal, healthy aspect of childhood and not something that needs to be discouraged." This quote from Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child sums up the attitude behind the growing shift in many Western cultures toward a labor-intensive but arguably more rewarding, effective, and "natural" way to raise children. This philosophy, termed "Attachment Parenting" by its champion, pediatrician and father of eight Dr. William Sears (author of the popular child-care manual The Baby Book, among others), sees infants not as manipulative adversaries who must be "trained" to eat, sleep, and play when told, but as dependent yet autonomous human beings whose wants and needs are intelligible to the parent willing to listen, and who deserve to be responded to in a reasonable and sensitive manner. As with Sears's books, there are no plans or schedules here, no specific prescriptions for what to do with your child. Techniques to facilitate connection and communication are outlined, but mostly the book is an exhortation to listen and to trust yourself, and to trust your child's ability to convey to you what he or she needs.
Information is provided in a well-organized format that parents will find useful. Common questions regarding some of Attachment Parenting's less orthodox tenets are answered, and each section of the book provides lengthy reading and resource lists, Web sites, and e-mail addresses. This book also provides a fairly broad discussion of how working parents can incorporate such a "high-touch" style of care into their busy schedules. The authors are sometimes painfully straightforward about the cost-benefit analysis parents must go through when deciding to work outside the home, but they do not patronize working parents by glossing over this difficult decision. They show how Attachment Parenting can be especially beneficial to these families and give advice on choosing child care, breastfeeding after returning to work, and the techniques for creating a breastfeeding-friendly workplace.
Given the overwhelming cultural paradigms that parents must resist if they are going to adopt this compassionate methodology, the book's sometimes defensive tone can be at least partially excused. As a whole, parents will find this a good overview of some compelling arguments for Attachment Parenting and a wonderful resource for delving deeper into the issues it addresses. How much of it they choose to integrate into their lives is, as the book emphasizes, their decision to make, with their baby. -Katherine Ferguson |
Library Journal (MSL quote), USA
<2008-01-08 00:00>
Drawing on the literature of Dr. William Sears, who provides the book's introduction, Granju (with the help of Kennedy, R.N., M.S.N.) offers a mother's insight into the concept of attachment parenting. Rather than the typical child care approach that provides a list of generic "do's and don'ts" during certain phases in a baby's development, the attachment theory posits that parents know their child better than so-called experts. Granju examines breast feeding, baby wearing, and the family bed as natural concepts conducive to raising healthy children. She relates numerous experiences of mothers pulled from Internet listservs. Patrons may be well served by using these addresses to engage in their own Internet discourse, but, unfortunately, these rather flat anecdotes, along with extensive lists of attachment parenting resources, comprise the bulk of the book. Attachment Parenting adds nothing that Sears hasn't already covered in more detail in his many respected and groundbreaking works. Purchase for public libraries where demand warrants.ALisa Powell Williams, Moline Southeast Lib., IL
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Katie (MSL quote), USA
<2008-01-08 00:00>
This book will rank with Sears, Leach, Spock, and Brazelton in years to come. The book takes a balanced, reasonable approach to childcare, while never ignorng the fact that baby humans are mammals, after all, and have certain inborn needs in infancy. As far as practical advice, the book is loaded with it, particularly in regards to infant sleep and breastfeeding. The resource sections are the best I've seen in any parenting book.I recommend this book heartily. It's easy to see why the editors of Amazon named it one of the ten best parenting/family books of 1999. |
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2008-01-08 00:00>
I wish that this book had been available when my children were born. It's all so natural and sensible, but somewhere along the way we lost it - snuggling, breast-feeding, sleeping with and thoroughly enjoying a vital, intense connection with our young. Attachment parented children are certain to become secure, centered, happy adults. Buy it and do it! |
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