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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You (Paperback)
by Susan Forward, Ph.D.
| Category:
Relationship, Self defense |
| Market price: ¥ 158.00
MSL price:
¥ 148.00
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In Stock |
MSL rating:
 Good for Gifts |
| MSL Pointer Review:
The author clearly defines the various types of emotional blackmailers, the tactics they use, and the reasons they are effective, and gives specific steps to ending the cycle of manipulation. |
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Author: Susan Forward, Ph.D.
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Pub. in: April, 1998
ISBN: 0060928972
Pages: 272
Measurements: 8.0 x 5.3 x 0.7 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00335
Other information: ISBN-13: 978-0060928971
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- Awards & Credential -
Another relationship guide from an internationally acclaimed therapist, lecturer and author of the#1 New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents. |
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- MSL Picks -
This book describes insightfully the dense macabre that is the abuser-victim dyad. Self-flagellation is a characteristic of those who choose to live with a narcissist (and a choice it is). Constant guilt feelings, self-reproach, self-recrimination and, thus - self-punishment typify the relationships formed between the sadist-narcissist and the masochistic-dependent mate or partner.
The narcissist projects his inner turmoil and drags everyone around him into a swirl of bitterness, suspiciousness, meanness, aggression and pettiness. His life is a reflection of his psychological landscape: barren, paranoiac, tormented, guilt ridden. He feels compelled to do unto others what he perpetrates unto himself. He gradually transforms all around him into replicas of his conflictive, punishing personality structures.
Some narcissists are more subtle than others. They disguise their sadism. For instance, they "educate" their nearest and dearest. This "education" is compulsive, obsessive, incessantly, harshly and unduly critical. Its effect is to erode the subject, to humiliate, to create dependence, to intimidate, to restrain, to control, to paralyze.
The narcissist deliberately confuses responsibility with guilt and demands compensation for his or her "sacrifices". By provoking guilt in responsibility-laden situations, the narcissist transforms life with him into a constant trial.
The narcissist-victim dyad is a conspiracy, a collusion of victim and mental tormentor, a collaboration of two needy people who find solace and supply in each other's deviations. Only by breaking loose, by aborting the game, by ignoring the rules - can the victim be transformed (and by the way, acquire the newly found appreciation of the narcissist).
The narcissist's partner should not feel guilty or responsible and should not seek to change what only time (not even therapy) and (difficult) circumstances may change. She should not strive to please and to appease, to be and not to be, to barely survive as a superposition of pain and fear. Releasing herself from the chains of guilt and from the throes of a debilitating relationship - is the best help that a loving mate can provide to her ailing narcissistic partner.
(From quoting Sam Vaknin)
Target readers:
General readers.
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Susan Forward, Ph.D., is an internationally acclaimed therapist, lecturer, and author. Her books - which include the #1 New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents, as well as Emotional Blackmail, Obsessive Love, Betrayal of Innocence, and Money Demons - have been translated into more than fifteen languages. In addition to more than twenty years in private practice, she has served as a group therapist, instructor, and consultant in many Southern California medical and psychiatric facilities. She is much sought after as a guest in the media, and she hosted a daily national call-in radio program on ABC talk radio for six years.
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From Publisher
"If you really loved me..."
"After all I've done for you..."
"How can you be so selfish..."
Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.
Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back. In her clear, no-nonsense style, Forward provides powerful, practical strategies for blackmail targets, including checklists, practice scenarios and concrete communications techniques that will strengthen relationships and break the blackmail cycle for good.
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| View all 10 comments |
Susan Jeffers (Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway), USA
<2006-12-30 00:00>
Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book! |
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2006-12-30 00:00>
Forward, who gave us the best-selling The Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them, offers a course on self-defense for anyone manipulated by guilt. |
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-07-04 00:00>
I am an emotional blackmailer, I just had no idea until I read this book. It was suggested to me by my soon to be ex- husband who couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was being strong and standing my ground and this book helped me to see that I was emotionally bullying other people. I beleived I was always right and no human being can be. It also helped me to see that it doesn't matter if you are wrong or right, making another person feel as if they must agree with you or they are "bad" is not OK. I was using the behaviors descibed in the book to protect myself from being hurt and have hurt sooooo many others in the process. If you're a person who always feels like a victim or have no idea why so many people don't like you when you think you're such a wonderful person read it! |
A reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-07-04 00:00>
If you think you might be a victim of a parent or loved one who is using emotional blackmail to manipulate you and keep you from growing or changing, then this book is for you.
I had such a loved one in my life, who was manipulating me with her own pain, keeping me from growing up, keeping me from being a man and doing what I needed to do.
I won't go into the details, but you know if you are a victim of manipulation by this "emotional blackmail". Does someone threaten to write you out of their lives if you do such and such? Does someone break down and cry or get sick every time you bring up a certain subject? Does someone make you "walk on eggshells" around them, around certain subjects?
If any of the above ring true, then you are a victim of emotional blackmail and should read this book.
I read it, and it made so much sense to me, it was like I was seeing clearly for the first time in my life.
This, along with therapy for only a couple months, really helped me change my life, release me from this blackmail, and in the end, the blackmailer "got over it" and I now have just as good - actually much better - relationship with her than before.
My therapist read the book and is now recommending it to other people like me.
Thanks to Susan Forward for writing this book! Do yourself a favor and read it! |
View all 10 comments |
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