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Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart (Paperback)
by Sherry Argov
| Category:
Relationships, Self-help |
| Market price: ¥ 168.00
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¥ 158.00
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| MSL Pointer Review:
Liberating, empowering, and full of practical dating tips and strategies, this is a book all women have to read about men. |
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Author: Sherry Argov
Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1st Simon & Schuster Pbk. Ed edition
Pub. in: June, 2006
ISBN: 074327637X
Pages: 272
Measurements: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
Origin of product: USA
Order code: BA00477
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- MSL Picks -
Why Men Marry Bitches is a funny, insightful, and practical guide. It dispels the self-defeating myths that women often live by, like "I have to cathc a husband to feel whole" which translates to men as a more desirable woman. It gives logical relationship principles, and gives hilarious, detailed scenarios on how to handle the beloved, (if sometimes trying), man in your life. Read and follow the advice in this book only if you are seriously interested in having a quality relationship.
Why Men Marry Bitches begins with the uproarious anecdote: "Imagine a world in which roles are reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks and couldn't wait to get married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at the wedding. Picture him getting choked up every time you strolled past a Baby Gap. And that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you." Then imagine they ask needy questions like "Where's my ring?" and "Why won't you marry me?"
Why Men Marry Bitches makes it clear that women don't need to work harder to please their man. The book not only encourages women to let go of long-standing myths about being perfect, being his sex toy, or being whoever he tells you to be - it exposes these myths for the self-defeating behaviors that women have to act like servants, and explains why men are secretly attracted to a strong woman who has more to bring to the table. The main theme of the book is incredibly empowering - live your own life fully and the proposals will keep on coming.
Forget when the other books tell you and listen to the advice in Why Men Marry Bitches. The book gives clear guidance based on hundreds of interviews Argov conducted with men to find out what is really going on. Chapters such as "Female Button Pushing: A Time-Honored Male Tradition" and "Breaking into the Boy's Club: Stolen Secrets - All the Highly Classified Things Men Will Share Only in the Company of Other Men," expose the secret strategies, codes, and signs men use to test women, to cover their own vulnerabilities, and to be sure they are loved for themselves - not what they can provide a woman. Think of it like visiting a foreign country, you'll have a better time if you know the "language." Argov provides the kind of "male-language" tutorial only a friend who has your best interest at heart can give.
Perhaps the most useful sections of Why Men Marry Bitches are the practical situations that Argov tackles. We've all been there. There's the small stuff - the man we love, doesn't call, breaks plans, or comes home late. There's the bigger stuff - the man we love is hesitant to propose. Why Men Marry Bitches gives realistic, specific advice on how to handle these situations while maintaining your dignity, self-respect, and independence. And that's how you make him fall more in love with you. Because dignity is the biggest turn-on of all.
Why Men Marry Bitches shows us, with great insight and humor, that when you are a "bitch" the situation is win/win. You focus on yourself, making a full, interesting life and how the man in your life loves you more for it - and wants you for his wife.
We highly recommend this book as one of the best women's relationship guides.
(From quoting an American reader)
Target readers:
All women, single or married; but good for male readers as well for self-discovery.
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Sherry Argov is a radio personality and a contributor on Fox News Channel. Her work has appeared in magazines, such as Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Playboy and Esquire.
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From the Publisher:
Never shy and always laugh-out-loud funny, Sherry Argov's Why Men Marry Bitches is a sharp-witted manifesto that shows women how to transform a casual relationship into a committed one. With the grittiest of girlfriend-to-girlfriend detail, Argov removes the kid gloves and explains why being extra nice doesn't necessarily mean he'll be more devoted. The guide shares real-life "no holds barred" interviews with men who answer the following in raw detail:
How do men manipulate a relationship to keep it casual?
Do men deliberately push women's emotional buttons?
How can she convince him commitment was his idea?
How can she invite a proposal without saying a word?
Whether you are single, married, recently separated, or just fed up with your family members telling you to fetch a husband because time is running out, Why Men Marry Bitches is the must-have guide that will show you how to exude confidence, win his heart, and get the love and respect you deserve.
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Chapter One:
Throwing Out the Rulebook. Why a Strong Woman Wins His Heart .
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
Society's Guidelines for Good Girls
Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to get married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at the wedding. Picture him getting choked up every time you strolled past a Baby Gap. And that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you. Then add a few ultimatums:
"Where's my ring?
"Why won't you marry me?"
Chances are, you would assume the guy wasn't firing on all cylinders. And then you'd start planning your escape. "It's not you, it's me. [Translation: It's definitely you.] I'm too busy with work. I love you but I'm not in love with you." Then you'd blow out the door…like TNT.
As scary as it sounds, this is precisely the approach women are taught on how to catch a husband. It's the plight of every "nice girl" who puts everyone else first, puts her own needs last, and doesn't think she is worthy of touching the hemline of her man's pants.
When I polled men, they all said confident women are in very short supply. And that a confident woman is what they find sexiest. Is it any wonder that confident women are hard to come by? Look around. The average fashion magazine tells women to act like a servant, as if dating were a labor- intensive, blue-collar-job application: "Can you serve a cold beer in trashy lingerie? Do you leave razor-sharp creases in his shirts like employee-of- the-month at the Jolly Roger motel? Do you wear cellophane for him? Are you gardening in stilettos? Are you giving it up doggie-style? If so, he'll drop to one knee and propose..."
What women are learning from all of this is how to behave desperately. When her attitude is "Pick me! Pick me!" she hits the kill switch on his desire. It's human nature. You'd be just as turned off by a guy who brought two dozen roses to a first coffee date and told you he felt like the luckiest SOB on the planet in the first five minutes.
It's human nature. Telling a woman to work harder to please is like telling a little kid to walk up to a schoolyard bully on the first day of school and say, "Here, take my lunch money. And you can have my cupcakes too. I'll even throw in my lunchbox since you don't have one." Or, in a dating situation, "Here, take my body. And I made you a cake. Please be nice. Please marry me. I'll even jack my butt up nice and high like they do in yoga. It's so comfortable being upside down. Really. I just love it!"
Just because a man sleeps with you doesn't mean he's thinking about the future. For him to think about forever, there has to be something he respects within you. Like a strong wit...and a strong mind.
Relationship Principle 1
In romance, there's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is.
In addition, you have to know your own mind. The more you focus on elevating yourself, the more he will work to be at the top of your priority list. He considers you a long-term prospect when you've added the key ingredient: respect. And respect is the glue that holds everything together.
Kara is a perfect example of why smart, confident women come out on top. Very early on, her fiancé tried to give her his two cents on how she should dress. She was leaving for a meeting, and he told her to wear a dress instead of the pantsuit she had on. Then he told her she was wearing too much makeup. What the nice girl would have done is run out and buy a new wardrobe. But Kara playfully put him in check: "Listen here, Versace. This outfit has always been fine. And I haven't had any complaints about the makeup either. But if you'd like, I'll let you know when I'm wearing this in advance. That way, if you don't want to see me in it, you don't have to come over."
In order to be looked at differently, you have to think differently. He has to see that you call your own shots and that you don't need input from anyone about how to put your socks on. This says, "I am secure." The biggest attraction killer is neediness and insecurity. The bitch doesn't audition or try to be the "best in show." Instead of "where's my ring" or "why won't you marry me," she's thinking:
"What's the advantage of having this guy around?"
"How do I feel about myself after I've been in his company?"
"What's in it for me?"
And then a funny thing happens: He falls all over himself to be with her.
Kim Basinger said something interesting: "I don't have time to be classified as difficult, and I don't have time to care." Men tend to feel at ease with a woman who doesn't care so much because then he doesn't have to be fully responsible for someone else's happiness. When a man sees you are happy with him but you can be just as happy having nothing to do with him, that's when he won't want to leave your side. When you are happy, you are sexy.
Not only this, bitches have more fun. My friend Angela had a date with a guy on a Friday and they went out for Chinese food. They tried several dishes and had plenty of leftovers, so Angela took home all the doggie bags. The following evening, she had date with a different guy and decided to be the "hostess with the mostest." She reheated the Chinese leftovers, "reorganized" a medley on a pretty plate, and served it to her guest of honor. The fortune cookie said: "The catered din-din was a smashing success."
Of course, I would never recommend that you choose such a quick and easy meal over three hours of sweating and slaving in the kitchen. However, I would be remiss if I did not include this one expert gourmet cooking tip: Don't keep the parsley. (If it gets soggy in the microwave it will be a dead giveaway every time.)
Notice what Kara and Angela had in common: Neither one of them felt the need to overcompensate. This earned the man's respect. Why? It was expected that they knock themselves out because the rulebook says women are supposed to. When they refused, a light bulb went off over his head. The message "I am worth something" is what turns him into a believer.
In a music-channel documentary, Tim McGraw said something very intriguing about his wife, Faith Hill: "She's a straight shooter, that's for sure. She doesn't take any sh*t from anybody." He didn't choose to comment on her talent, success, beauty, fame, or any of the other things society celebrates. Instead, he commented on the attribute men respect most: a backbone. Do you think he's proud that his wife doesn't take B.S. lying down? I'd bet that he is.
Relationship Principle 2
He marries the woman who won't lay down like linoleum.
This brings us to the definition of a marrying bitch - aka a strong, spirited woman who can stand up for herself. The bitch is not rude or abrasive because she's smart enough to know that being considerate is more effective. But she won't compromise herself to be in a relationship. She won't work overtime to "catch a husband." Because of this, he doesn't classify her as a mindless woman he can take advantage of. She has a certain moxie about her. Sugar and spice...and not always so nice - that's what his dreams are made of.
Since many "nice" women mistakenly believe that being a strong woman (aka a bitch) is a bad thing, let's explore some of the criteria of the so-called eligible woman. Then we'll find out from men what they really think about women who behave this way.
Myth 1: You Have to Be Perfect
Think about the last time you were madly in love. Chances are, the guy wasn't a millionaire or a brain surgeon with six-pack abs who was hung like a barnyard animal on Viagra. Chances are, he didn't get you off five times before he got his. But there was something special about him. He had a couple of features that did it for you and a certain magic that made you tingle. Men who want to fit in a relationship are looking for that same magic.
Relationship Principle 3
He doesn't marry a woman who is perfect. He marries the woman who is interesting.
This is one of the biggest myths perpetuated by the media: If you are perfect, beautiful, and rich, you will get the respect and love you crave. So they say. (And now back to reality.) When a man meets a woman who seems too perfect, too sweet, or too agreeable, he tends to become bored very quickly.
Beauty pageants are a good example of how women are misled into thinking that the most important pursuits in life are beauty tips and "man catching" skills. Granted, they offer educational grants and scholarships, which is very ironic because the only men watching are the ones who like really stupid women. Intelligent men think it's embarrassing for a woman to pose and smile like she's always that chipper. Everybody knows the losers want to strangle the winner, and the Southern Belle who wins Miss Congeniality is dying to tell the judges: "Fuck all, y'all... you ugly summa- bitches." All of them pretend to be virgins until marriage, and all are do- gooders for the poor:
Second runner-up: "I am a fifth-year junior at the local college majoring in pottery. I plan to end world hunger and find a cure for cancer. And once and for all, I intend to put an end to the global shortage of flower pots."
First runner-up: "I plan to feed the starving, the homeless, the unemployed, and the destitute. That way all my relatives can eat."
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| View all 9 comments |
Marilyn (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
I'm almost finished reading this book and let me tell you, in just a couple of days my fiance has changed so much in the way he acts towards me it's quite unbelievable. I don't know if it's just coincidence, but either way, this book has already helped me so much. I was feeling discontent and down for a while because of the distance I sensed from him and the changes I felt after being engaged. But this little book opened my eyes to the "secrets" about men that are not so obvious to women until they are told and perhaps retold here and there... Now the intentions behind some of his actions are so obvious I want to roll my eyes in front of him, but have to contain myself, so I just smile and nod my head. I know soon enough those same actions that are annoying and create reactions from me, will eventually disappear. There are some parts in the book that I skimmed over because I felt it didn't refer to me as much, seemed more directed towards ladies in the dating scene, but still useful knowledge - Overall great book if you need a pick me up, and also to have as a reference in those down moments in a relationship when a friend is not around - It's only so liberating and empowering when woman speak their mind and stand their ground in relationships, using their intelligence to get what they want and not be so easily taken advantage of.
I think the bottom line is for women to position themselves in a place where no matter what happens, if a guy rejects you, cheats on you, grows distant, or you're not coming across the guy you want to marry, your whole world will not crumble. Because your whole world is not him or just about finding him, but several things...
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An American reader (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
The point in life is to find out what makes YOU tick, what do YOU love about life? People are very attracted to those who are passionate about about their lives. Most importantly, YOU will like yourself a whole lot better if you're not acting like somebody's puppet. It is worth noting that the world treats you as you treat yourself...
Contrary to what women have been taught, we need to put ourselves first and assume the Captain of My Own Ship attitude in relationships. We aren't meant to be reduced to the role of First-Mate. We understand when our guys take care of themselves by: going to the gym, rescheduling a date because of an important presentation first thing in morning, spending time with their buddies, honoring previous commitments made with others regardless that WE want to see them, etc. How about demonstrating that same loyalty to ourselves?
Ladies, it is so easy to exhibit the 'get over yourself' attitude with a guy who's misbehaving if you don't care...and then do a complete 180 with the man who floats our boat.
We then lament that God is playing a cruel joke on us and doesn't want us to be truly happy... that we should 'settle', instead. Now put yourself in the guy's shoes. Don't you enjoy a challenge? Sure, the point is to win... eventually, that is.
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Sarah Ivask (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
Why Men Marry Bitches is the best book on relationships. Whenever my male friends read through the book they say, "Wow. She is 100% right. How did she get this information?"
What I love so much about this book is that it shows you how men view commitment, and the REAL reasons why men don't want to get involved. In the book, men reveal that they want an emotional connection as much as women do, but often feel they aren't "special" because most women seem like they want a commitment... with anybody. Doesn't matter who the guy is, she wants a commitment before she knows his middle name. And Argov explains with crystal clarity exactly what turns men off, and how a few small modifications in a woman's words or actions makes all the difference in the world.
For example, the author explains that women sometimes ask questions or say things like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions?" before she even knows where the guy lives. When a guy gets those types of questions, he automatically assumes she is in love with "the idea" of a commitment, or that she's in love with "the wedding" or what a relationship represents. At that point he keeps her at arm's length, because (as men explain in their own words) what they dream of is a woman who is in love... with who he is! She won't just commit to anyone.
Argov has a rare ability to make you laugh and at the same time helps you realize how to do better. It's a feel good read that is entertaining and brilliant at the same time. You walk away feeling like you stand a little taller, and that men are likeable, sensitive and human. If you've ever wondered why most relationships stall after two or three months, after reading this book, you’ll get it.
What I love most is the fact that Argov doesn't tell you what you are doing wrong...she explains how you can do it right. She never talks down to the reader. She doesn't bash men. She even makes fun of herself. She gives you the feeling that she's down to earth and real, and that she's kicking back over a beer with you hanging out and cheering you up like a sister would. But at the same time, she gives the kind of seasoned advice that a relative or best friend would give about dignity and pride. And of course, she shows you how to turn the typical dating dynamic around so that he comes away feeling like commitment is his idea!
If you buy this book and get past the title - you will find it refreshing, hilariously funny, and extremely enlightening. I never give 5 stars for anything. But this one is 5 star worthy because of the information... as well as the entertainment comedy value. You'll laugh out loud reading it. |
Mel (MSL quote), USA
<2007-01-08 00:00>
Don't play hard to get. But don't be easy to get, either. Qualify a man before you share the most precious part of your soul with him.
If enough women will take Sherry's revelations to heart, fewer men would be jerks. Sure, some of them have character flaws, but others who are otherwise decent human beings will push the envelope. Would you put up with reckless behavior toward your relationship from your friends, families, or anyone else? Well, then... When they experience women's refusal to put up with unacceptable behavior on a massive level, they will change - as Sherry points out, they want relationships, too. Sometimes it is necessary to delay instant gratification and go for the gold by sticking to your guns. A fringe benefit will manifest when you hold yourselves in high regard - his regard of you increases immensely!
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